Shift

Being a parent is endlessly fascinating to me.  You gain comfortable footing only to realize that your good grasp on the season will be short-lived because as is the truth with almost all areas of life - change is inevitable.  

Although mine are mine and yours are yours, there are unshakeable similarities that I believe all parents face, and cheers to those who are open to these pivots as our kids (and we) get older.  

When mine were smaller, the message I received over and over was to soak it all up because these times are fleeting - my gosh, that is true.  I blinked and now I have a 10 year old and an almost 9 year old; there's the 3 year old that lives to wreck shop on a daily basis, and while I'm glad to have a babe still to savor the innocence of toddler life, this post is primarily focused on my older two kids. 

There has been a shift in this last year, and it's been difficult, but welcome.  They're growing up: no more helping them bathe, combing out their hair, and brushing their teeth.  They are each their own person complete with opinions, ideas, and rough edges.  They DESERVE to be parented in a way that fits and suits them individually.  

Here's what I've come to discover: parenting is not a blanket that you unwrap, unfold and cast out over your children in hopes that keeping them under wraps, warm, and protected they'll emerge at 18 full of all their beautiful potential and ready to conquer the world.  Our generation is way more mindful than that, and what we crave with our children is the one thing that takes the most consistent work: relationship. 

Relationship involves relating.  That means as a parent, I have to be willing to lay down my pride and explain things over (kindly) and over (calmly) so that my kids understand the why and not just the why not.  I have to tell stories of my own failures in order for them to see that their Mom is not some unstoppable, perfect force who is always right and they're always wrong - I mess up all the time.  Daily.  And my imperfections allow them to see that it's part of life to fail, be wrong, and apologize.  

Since we began homeschooling last fall I have gotten to know my kids in a different way.  Not that I didn't know who they were before, I had strong ideas of who they were.  But seeing areas in schoolwork, friendships, chores, and sibling relationships where they each succeed and struggle has been wildly eye-opening.  They are similar to Ryan and I, but they are each so different.  Those differences are subtle though, and if I'm not paying attention, I will miss them.  

We are such a distracted culture.  In my opinion, if this current pandemic has had one positive impact, it's been teaching us the value of slowing down.  For the last five or so years a massive emphasis has been put on hustle (thanks for that, Gary V.); and then this last year it's like the brakes were applied and now the focus is on less, slowing down, and being as present as possible.  Those are all fine mantras to believe in, but until you're forced to live in them you don't see the inherent value.  

One of my kid's favorite shows to watch with me is "Survivor", and without a doubt our favorite episode every season is the one where the contestants get to see a loved one from home.  It makes me cry every single time because genuine human emotion is always moving.  This current season is the show's 40th, so they ramped up the prize money, the contestants are all returning champions, and with the loved ones visit, they didn't just bring a spouse, parent or sibling - they brought their entire family.  So when the first contestant was called forward, she dropped to her knees sobbing when her husband AND her two beautiful, blonde babies came out to hold her.  Behind her you could see all the remaining contestents immediately burst into tears knowing what was coming their way when their names were called.  

One contestant with his arm around his fiance explained to the host the joy of that current moment.  He said "...you know, at home there's distractions: phone calls, errands, work emails, and you so rarely get to focus on the value of these relationships.  But out here, when you have nothing, that's all you think about.  And I'm going to leave here a changed person because my values have been shifted."  

That is a major hope for me, for our country, and our world as we get these different restrictions slowly lifted and life goes back to normal.  It won't be like it was before, but I'm hopeful it will have changed for the better.  Not just more accepting of all human beings and the journey we have before us to live well, and not just in loving and treasuring our world because it's the only one we have and we want to be responsible and kind to it.  My hope is that this time will also have given us the gift to be more tuned into ourselves and those close to us in a way that allows deeper relationships to form. 

Having a bigger perspective gives the grind of life purpose.  Because relating to your kids is hard and it's a constant process.  It's reading to them at night even when you're on your period, you're tired, you have 3 different voxer conversations that you haven't listened to, 12 emails that you haven't read and hours worth of social media content to browse.  It's pausing on doing the dishes so you can go into the other room, get down on their eye level and demonstrate how to have a better conflict-resolving conversation so that they don't beat up each other with false ideas of the other person's intentions.  It's continuing to educate myself in scripture and self-assessment so that I don't believe for a second that I'm a finished product, but I continue to be flexible in how God is creating and shaping me from day to day.  

With this shift, as I see them becoming more and more of who they are as a young man and young woman, and less and less of the babies that I nursed, changed, bathed, and rocked - there isn't as much sadness as I thought there would be.  There isn't the clinging to the memories of them as kids with such a heavy heart it feels like I could collapse into tears at the ache of wanting them small again.  Instead, there's incredible hope.  Because as they grow up, there's a growing alongside of me that's happening and it's beautiful.  We're walking this life together, continuing to figure it out, and my time spent with them is causing them to trust me in a way that makes me feel honored and incredibly responsible.  

Relating as a parent means failing - a lot.  And owning up to those failures.  I don't want my children to grow up with a checklist of do's and don'ts - that creates robots who don't have the ability to think and rationalize for themselves.  And whether or not we realize it, the relationship we form with our kids is a massive parallel to how they will view their Father in heaven.  I want them growing up knowing that improvement personally and spiritually is a constant, change is inevitable, and being a better person and making the next right decision is always a possibility.   

My relationship with God is so important to me, and if I can raise my kids to understand the value of having a real, honest, open relationship with Him so that He can pour into their lives and breathe His Holy Spirit into their daily walk - I will have done my part.  Cheers to all parents who are taking this journey one day at a time.  My prayer for myself and others is to have humility to dig deep and hope to light our future. 

A Thanksgiving like no other

Today would have been her 60th birthday.  My husband's mom, my mother-in-LOVE, Lisa Baker, passed away earlier this year.  Unexpected isn't a big enough word - it was a shock to our family that has on the one hand left us shaken and raw.  But, as is the case with most difficult situations in life, it has also given us the profound gifts of perspective and grit.  

I've been avoiding writing about the situation for months because no time seemed to feel right to discuss something so deep and personal.  And then this morning, as I thought about her, her birthday, and tomorrow's holiday, I just knew - this is the right time.  

For those of you who knew Lisa, you welcomed her fire personality along with her soft heart gladly.  She was the definition of loyal - if she liked you, she'd lay down everything for you.  Our relationship started out slightly rocky: here I was taking a place in her only son's life that was monumental, and I think at first she was skeptical of the place she would be able to hold in my heart.  But as the years passed, and grandkids started coming into the picture, there was an appreciation and respect that grew between her and I and ended up blossoming into the most amazing relationship.  She knew me and loved me, and I knew her and loved her.  And as I look back on how these last 9 months have shaped my life I can see the influences that she had on me taking a firm root in my identity and beginning to blossom.  When I think about how I want to continue to live my life, here are a few lessons she lived out for me: 

Focus on what matters. 

There is no denying that family was THE most important thing to my mother-in-law.  Regardless of what she had on her agenda or plate, she was ultimately, truly available to Ryan and I to be with us or our kids at any time.  The love that she had for her two kids was next level - yikes to the person who crossed one of her beloved children - for real, head-on-a-platter type shit.  And yet, as much as she loved Ryan and Danielle, she somehow loved her grandkids even more.  She invested in them.  She spent time doing the things that they loved to do.  She lived out her love for them in real, genuine ways, and the hole that has been left with her passing in their lives is immense and will probably never be filled.  But the memories that they have of her are perfect. She made me recognize the gift that family is, and made me determined to not let these years with my children still home go racing by in a series of catalogued events: sleep, eat, school, sports, repeat.  I absolutely will take every step I can to ensure that the gift of time with my family is a priority.  The perspective of life being short is all too real, and I refuse to waste time chasing things that don't matter.  

Be learning always. 

Some of my favorite memories were discussing any variety of topics with Lisa.  She was an amazing listener, and she was incredibly passionate about certain topics: politics, education, healthcare, government - I loved it.  But as worked up as she could get from time to time (it's so funny, I don't know where Ryan gets it 😆), she was also super quick to humbly listen to a concept or idea that challenged her pre-conceived notions.  She taught me that it's important to stand up for what you know, but also, she's helped me realize that there's a lot I don't know about or understand.  And beyond that, there's even more that I don't even know I don't know about.  And, I believe that goes for everyone.  Careful with what you are so positively locked onto: true understanding and knowledge is discerning, but it's also constantly growing and being fed.  

Be undeniably yourself. 

She couldn't NOT be herself in any given situation.  She had conviction, but managed to be gracious at the same time.  It's a funny coincidence that I've gotten as into the enneagram as I have in this last year.  That amazing tool paired with Lisa's authenticity has pushed me to be honest with my traits, both the good and bad.  It's inspired me to be unafraid of having an opinion, even if it turns away those that are close to me.  I've been outspoken about several taboo topics, and made choices in the last year that aren't for every person.  But I've also never felt more honest with myself and those close to me.  If you want to feel like an outsider, try these on for size: I love Jesus, worship is a real connection I have to God, I love motorcycles, CBD is cool, food is rad and I refuse to eat salad just to have a six-pack, working out is a privilege and I love to treat my body with equal parts work and rest, reading is better than TV, the majority of art that our current culture produces is complete crap, homeschool is the best, most freeing decision I've made in the last decade of raising my kids, vaccinations are poison (yes - poison), and I don't care if you don't like me.  Feels pretty good.  

Live out your faith. 

I know Lisa's in heaven.  There's no doubt in my mind of that fact.  She didn't go to church, but here's what I know - every single person lifting their hands and praising in worship on a Sunday morning is just as messed up as the rest of us.  They just might need some help lowering their pride to recognize their wonderful humanity.  Embracing the fact that you need Jesus every single day is one of the best things you can do for yourself.  Seeing that YOU, not your prayer list, or your family, or that one friend, or the people that you interact with daily, but YOU need Jesus - let's get more of that.  Lisa didn't flout her faith, she just humbly, steadily lived it out.  She was gracious and loving and kind.  She was self-sacrificing almost to a fault.  She held the truths of scripture in her heart and kept her relationship with her Savior private and personal.  She was an incredible role model in that, and I hope to follow in her example.  

So today, tomorrow, and the rest of this weekend are going to be interesting.  She was the cornerstone to my Thanksgiving holidays for the last decade, and tomorrow will be different without her.  But, I love knowing that I got to have the best relationship I could hope for with a mother-in-law while she was here.  She had an enormous impact on my life, and I'm forever, forever grateful to her.  She trusted me to support her son and raise our kids well, and I'm going to do my best to live up to her legacy.  Happy birthday, Lisa. 

Peter John Courson

Sitting at my computer listening to Dan Fogelberg sing “Longer” and there’s waves of nostalgia crashing over me.  This is a song and an artist I grew up listening to because my parents really loved his music, along with some of the other incredible singer-songwriters of the 1970s.  

This week has been one that’s caused me to reflect a bit: my life, my past, my faith.  The pastor that cemented my belief in Jesus Christ passed away this last week.  His name is Peter John Courson and he was only a handful of years older than me…which at this point blows my mind, because I think when he came to Applegate Christian Fellowship and took over the main role of teaching pastor from his father, he couldn’t have been older than 30.  

Peter John had a calling and a gift.  His father, Jon, taught in a manner that demanded respect.  Jon’s teachings were always rich, deep and thorough.  They were full of information and insight and were incredibly powerful.  

// Side bar…now listening to Annie’s Song by John Denver - tell me a song with a more beautiful melody.  I’ll wait. //

When Peter John came and started teaching it was like a breath of fresh air.  Gone were the teachings of Old Testament doctrine, and the constant message was that of grace, love and the gospel.  He taught about Jesus.  

One of the things I’ve loved so far this year in reading through the Bible in it’s entirety is the beautiful balance that’s struck between Old Testament and New Testament scripture.  The OT is full of instruction and law and while some can feel suppressed by that, I think it’s a beautiful picture of what God’s ideal was: an earth where people treated each other well, where they loved God and respected Him, and where their life flourished.  Then in the New Testament, you have this balm of grace that permeates every scripture passage.  Jesus died and His death changes the course of history.  No longer are we tied to the law, we are free and we have the freedom to love others well and allow grace to save them. 

When Peter John came to be the head pastor at ACF my faith was struggling big time.  It was the first time in my life where I’d been shown other options besides Christianity and I was a mess of confusion and doubt.  In the months prior I had been hired at ACF to do worship, so I had to be at a certain number of services each week.  It was hard to sit in church and listen with my ears feeling dimmed to what I was taking in.  But slowly, PJ’s words and messages started to chip away at the hardness of my heart.  

I know that God didn’t take Jon away from Applegate for those 7 or so years only to have me be able to take in PJ’s perspective on grace and have that literally save my soul…but what if He did?  

It’s crazy to me that this incredible man’s life was cut so short.  It’s the epitome of life not being fair, because on the one hand, he had so many health struggles that to be free of those was something that everyone would want for him.  But in order for that to happen, he had to be taken away.  

I’m sure I’m one of thousands that can say their life was made better through PJ and his spreading of the gospel.  I am so thankful.  So thankful for him.  

And it has made me ask myself this question all week - what is my life about?  Really.  Not the overarching goal, but what do I make my life about day in and day out?  Because I want it to be about Jesus.  All of it.  I hope that when the time comes for my life to be over that people will think of me, sure, but that they will be able to say that I made them think of Jesus.  Because truly, truly, there’s nothing else that matters.  

Manna

Manna - even reading the word brings about this sense of a deep breath exhaled.  There’s a writer I came across recently and she mentioned manna in a story, and it was like a neon yellow marker highlighted the word right in front of my eyes.  

My "Word of the Year" and its intention changes from year to year.  Sometimes it’s a word that’s more of a challenge and other years it’s an easy shift.  This year it’s somehow both.  

Manna was a daily food ration supplied to the Israelites when they were in the desert after escaping Egypt.  It was literal food, but was also a reminder of God’s providence, His blessing and His ability to take care of their needs daily.  

I NEED to be reminded of this.  

This year has been incredibly challenging: 

People change. 

Friendships shift.  

Marriage is no joke.  

Parenting is hard.  

Family can be constricting and difficult.  

Church can make you feel misunderstood and unimportant.  

Ministry opportunities can be unfulfilling.  

And beyond just the scope of my immediate circle of life, the world is messed up.  There’s rampant pain and suffering everywhere and it crushes my soul knowing that the enemy has victory day after day.  

And yet there’s hope…

Being raised in church I know the importance of spending time with the Lord often, and I’ve had seasons where I’m on top of it, but also had spans of time where my Bible literally starts collecting dust on my nightstand.  

I recently read through the book of Exodus and it was shocking to me that the Israelites complained as much as they did after coming out of Egypt.  They witnessed what could be the most extravagant miracle of the Old Testament in the parting of the Red Sea and yet three days later they’re whining and losing faith.  Also, they literally had a glory cloud, like God’s actual presence hovering above them and they lost hope and started whining.  I’d love to say I’m so different, but I’m not.  I’ll see the favor of the Lord pour out in my life in some beautiful way and then completely forget about it when the hard times inevitably cycle around.  Granted, living now it’s not a feast or famine situation, it’s more gazing at my daughter’s perfect nose or relaxing into a warm bed then getting confused and frustrated at a news article that reeks of injustice or the behaviors of friends and family that don’t make sense.  

So here’s what I love about manna and the promise of being in the Word everyday:

1. It was fresh daily - I know that being in the Word is a gift and that there’s something new for me to understand and take in every time.  Even if it’s a passage or story I’ve read before it’s inevitable that something new will stand out.  

2. It was all they needed for that day - So much of my worry comes from trying to predict the future and attempting to wrap my feeble mind around what I THINK is going to happen.  Nah.  God is so much bigger and better than my reasoning.  I need to take in what I can for today and allow tomorrow to take care of itself. 

3. It was sweet - Exodus says that manna tasted like crackers with honey on it.  It was easy to eat and enjoy, and time in the Word is that for me.  I started reading through the Bible with The Message translation and it’s a shift from the King James Version that I was raised on.  It’s easy to understand and digest and makes so many passages read in a sweet yet satisfying way. 

This year was difficult, but at the same time I’ve seen how the Lord has provided freedom and fresh understanding:

People change - Yeah, but that doesn’t mean that I have to.  

Friendships shift - This was for some reason revolutionary to me, but it made me appreciate those in my life that are ride or die and allowed me to be fond of memories of the past without having unrealistic expectations for the future.  

Marriage is no joke - I love Ryan and this year we put in some work and learned to collaborate instead of compete - literally best year ever.  

Parenting IS hard - But it’s a beautiful difficulty that when I lean into the exhaustion, the slowness and the instruction it’s somehow more rewarding than I ever thought it could be.  

Family CAN be difficult - But when I put in time and create a safe space for open communication it lowers walls and starts to form real relationships.  

Church IS imperfect - But it’s trying it’s best and when I step back and give it credit for all the good it’s doing it’s easier to work slowly on the areas that need help.  

Ministry opportunities CAN shift - And that’s okay.  For everything there is a season, and it’s important to know when to step away from something that isn’t your lane.  

2018, God, I’m grateful to you for teaching me the importance of focus and patience and love.  2019, Lord, prepare my heart and give me the dedication and commitment to seek You daily.  

Cheers.  

"Give us today our daily bread..." Matthew 6:11

Vaycayshun*

Welp, Kauai is awesome.  We departed a little over a week ago for 8 days of sun, sand and fun and we got all that and more besides.  This was my first time to this island and I honestly didn’t want to leave.  Not just because of the island and all her treasures, but because there’s something about vacationing that is such a special treat.  But before I get into that, here’s some of my favorite things about this magical place:

The humidity, once you submit to it, keeps you literally at ease.  If you try to hustle or get annoyed, it gets annoyed back.  Relax, and it’s a nice, warm sauna.  Try to fight it and it’s like you’re living in a cat’s mouth.  There were short bursts of rain showers  just about every day we were there, but honestly once you got used to the fact that you were always going to be sticky and sweaty - a little rain wasn’t the worst thing. 

The beaches are beautiful.  Where we were staying you couldn’t play in the shore, but up at the top of the island we visited Anini Beach (I’ll take the $34 million beach house that’s for sale on that road please), down south we went to Poipu Beach (the boogie boarders had all of the adults delightfully entertained) and right near us we had Lydgate Beach (full on rock wall built so that the babes can wade out on their own AND snorkel in a man-made lagoon).  I felt like every time I glanced anywhere the exact image could be taken and put on the front of a postcard.  Absolutely surreal.

Ryan, Iz, Chris and Rally building rock towers at Anini Beach

The garden island - fo real.  If you consider Oregon to be a green place, then Kauai basically makes it seem like a desert.  It’s like 90 shades of green there.  Driving north or south on the highway takes you through coverings of trees that look like they were models for the movie Ferngully.   Fat, wide, leaves that are the size of a skateboard, and then right after that banzai trees that look like God needed to adjust their ego by squashing them down with His hand.  It’s lush upon jungle upon majestic greenery that’s so beautiful it seems fake.  I fully understand why they filmed Jurassic Park and so many other movies there (sidenote: fully hummed the theme song when we were flying in over the island to land).  

The food - okay, this is always one thing that I like to center any vacation or short getaway around.  I love food and I love trying new restaurants.  Down on the south end we went to a fish restaurant called Merriman’s and there was some kind of macadamia nut crusted fish that was honestly one of the best dinner dishes I’ve ever had.  And their white chocolate filled malasadas rolled in cinnamon sugar with a coffee caramel dipping sauce weren’t bad either.  The first couple days there I was pretty good with my food choices, ordering black americanos, eating salads and chicken, etc.  But then I was introduced to the Thai Coffee.  The town we stayed in has a coffeehouse called Java Kai and it was legit.  The Thai Coffee is a whole milk latte (nom nom nom) that has a little sweetened condensed milk added. 😳 Umm, hi.  Welcome.  Get in my belly.  But the highlight of the trip as far as food goes was the shaved ice.  It’s like icy feathers.  There was an old Winnebago fixed up that sold shaved ice with few flavors, but all were native to the island - coconut, pineapple, lilikoi, strawberry, guava - it was beyond.  Thank you, Wailea Shaved Ice, for existing.  Xoxo

But my favorite thing about this trip was what it did to my mind.  I don’t have a paying job outside of my home, but my days aren’t exactly calm.  There’s activities, sports, playdates, worship meetings, band practices, friends, working out, church commitments, family time - it’s crazy how much get-up-and-go is the norm.  And on our first day there I found myself feeling anxious sitting on the beach and later on laying down in our hotel room thinking that I needed to wrap up what I was doing and move on to the next thing.  But I didn’t.  I calmed myself down, reminded my mind that there was zero rush, and allowed myself to sit and be.  And I swear, vacations in a place like that welcome you to do and be just that - exactly you, exactly now.  Yes, there are a bunch of things to do at home, but there, you can go everywhere as is.  I love that in all the restaurants and shops we went into every single person was in flip-flops.  I didn’t wear makeup or do my hair for a week straight and it was a damn delight.  I left my phone in the hotel room and instead had conversations about stopping the glorification of being busy and how to forge your own path as a family.  It was a breath of fresh air - okay, fresh, thick, warm air.  

And it wasn’t all sunshine and smiles.  If you want to know the worst possible sentence you can hear as you’re guesting at the lazy river, salt water lagoon, waterslide laden, 2 acre large water park of the swankiest 5 star resort on the island it’s: “Charlie pooped in the pool”.  😑 Yep.  That happened.  And having a 9 month old with such crazy FOMO on 5 hour flights is not awesome.  And now back on the mainland my black coffee tastes like hot garbage.  However, the good far outweighed the difficult.  

Gigi and Charlie Kate before Poopgate

So thank you, Kauai.  You treated this lady really well, and I can’t wait to return.   

Charlie, Magnolia and Iz checking out the waves at Poipu Beach

*The credit for this particular spelling of vacation goes to my friend, Amber Salhus.  I remember reading it on a blog of hers once and it stuck with me. 😉

Seasons

I love mornings.  If I had to choose between sitting and watching a sunrise or sunset I’d opt for sunrise 9 times out of 10.  Maybe because in the morning I’m drinking my first mug of coffee (btw is there anything better than that first sip of your first cup), and my mind, while awake, is slow-moving, so it’s easy to just observe rather than fight off sleepiness or thoughts of the day that just ended.  

Early today in Maggie’s room I gazed out the window to happily see that the darkness was giving way to that lighter blue haze.  Daylight savings time takes away the pre-dawn light for a little bit, but I swear already I see the natural flow of daytime starting to stretch it’s way into the wee hours of morning.  

Seasons are interesting.  They’re constant.  And who doesn’t love spring?  Actually, I know some people don’t.  My buddy Dana and a couple of her boys get gnarly allergies once the season shifts warmer and it’s wretched.  But allergies aside!  I feel like spring practically buzzes with life and promise.  Each season has overwhelming sensations that accompany it: summer has warmth, relaxation and everyone starts listening to country music (or at least they should).  Fall has lists, excitement with school and the unbeatable feeling of comfort with nights that call for jackets, chili and football.  Winter has a joy that’s unmatched as holiday anticipation starts to wind-up and the love that you embody for family and friends reaches it’s peak.  

But spring.  There’s nothing like it.  To me it brings about the most welcome notion of any of the seasons - a sense of hope.  

Change is a part of life.  It’s inevitable.  And there are times I forget about it because it feels like it’s never going to happen (which isn’t the case) or fear it because it’s happening too quickly (usually not the case either).  

I saw one of my favorite young couples together at church last Sunday.  They dated a couple years ago for a few months but broke up due to distance and choices that seemed necessary at the time.  But now they are together and stronger, both focused on a future together because they allowed themselves to wait for the right season to make their relationship what it needed to be.  I was so excited to see them next to each other I almost stopped singing…on stage.  “Praise Him and OHMIGOSH YOU GUYS ARE BACK TOGETHER!!!!!!”  It was close. 

Some seasons are longer than others.  I’m in the space right now where normal pants don’t happen, make-up is rarely applied and I don’t leave my house very often - all of which can be frustrating.  My middle child was born almost six years ago, and I had gotten to a point where my life and body felt like my own again.  And now I’m back at square one looking down at a stomach that kind of folds over onto itself, circles under my eyes that seem to be tattooed on and an infant that’s bound and determined to be held 99% of the time she’s awake.  It’s hard to imagine even a year or so ago to where I would pick up the kids from school in a button-down shirt, jeans and high heeled boots.  BOOTS, PEOPLE!!  

What life has sweetly taught me though, is that in any given season I have a choice.  To grimace at the current and strive too quickly to change to the betterment of the future?  To look longingly back and wish that different decisions had been made so that the situation now was something else?  Or to allow myself to exist in what is happening so fully and completely that when the change and hope of a new season strikes, I find myself not fearful, nor exhausted, just blissfully saying - ahhhh, yes.  

Cause here’s what’s awesome - comfy pants help me move around and wrestle with my kids easily, plus there’s no amount of spit-up or poop that can ruin them.  No make-up means I can put my face all over my baby’s and I don't need to worry about whatever oils, chemicals or colors are there to rub off on her perfect skin.  And not leaving my house a bunch means I get to get her naps down pat.  Can I get a fist raised in solidarity from all the mamas for that feeling when you lay them down, slide the bedroom door shut and listen closely to hear…silence? Yaaaaaaaaas.     

And wouldn’t you know it, slowly, but surely…metamorphosis.  Sit-ups can happen now because my stomach muscles are strengthening, the husband’s reaction when we go out and I exit our room dressed and with hair and make-up done is like “hey, girl...what are you doing later?”, and taking excursions here and there beyond just the grocery store has me all kinds of pumped for adult conversation.  In that vein, if I have run into you around town and talked your ear off for ten minutes - sorry.    

So as spring gets sprung, may you breathe deep the anticipation of this season.  Real refinement is absolute, but it takes time.  Am I the only person who thinks God created seasons to LITERALLY remind us of that?  Change is always coming, some good and some bad, so enjoy the good, persist through the difficult and always, always hope.  Because just when you think you’re stuck and things aren’t ever going to evolve, you find yourself wearing actual pants instead of sweats again.  

Why I'm newly obsessed with Bullet Journaling and you could be too...

Let me start by saying “You’re welcome”.  If you have yet to look into the wonderful world of the Bullet Journal and this is your first time hearing about it, again, you are welcome.  I owe a huge debt of gratitude to my girl Amber Salhus, for it is solely because of her that I discovered my BuJo (yah, that’s the abbreviation, NOT bj…that is something else).  

If you have heard of Bullet Journaling and looked into it on Pinterest or Instagram or just the plain ol’ internet you probably became slightly overwhelmed at ALL OF THE BUJO THINGS.  There are videos, blogs and countless pictures and examples of how you can set up your very own Bullet Journal.  

To start at the beginning though, let me say that a Bullet Journal is basically a calendar / planner / journal that you customize completely for your own life.  I always liked the idea of using a planner, but I have never found one that had room for all the things I needed without a bunch of extra crap I didn’t want to use.  So for the last however long I’ve put kiddos sports practice info, birthdays and important events on a wall calendar and set up all the day to day appointments I need to remember in my phone…with multiple reminders.  It’s a system that’s worked, and if it’s similar to what you do then you might be thinking “I need not this Bujo crap”, but that’s where you might be wrong, friend. 

Just answer these following questions and if any of your responses are “yes” then I’m just saying…bullet journaling might be your jam.

1. Was your second favorite day growing up (Christmas is always the favorite) the day you went school supply shopping?
2. When you go on a trip of any sort do you make a list of all the things you want to make sure you pack?
3. Do you have random flyers from your work / church / kids’ school listing when certain party supplies are due, when baseball signups are and what code you need to put into the website in order to get it done, or birthday party invites with the necessary address, etc?
4. Do you have any kind of project that needs to be worked on, cleaned out or organized, but for whatever reason still remains unfinished?
5. Do you have random notes stored in your phone of favorite songs you want to remember to put on a playlist, books you want to read, places you want to vacay or products you wanna buy?  

Okay, if ANY of these have you nodding your head up and down, then do yourself a solid and buy a Leuchtturm 1917 (my choice of notebook) and a set of super fine tip pens (Staedtler 0.3mm fineliners) and get a-going.  

I could show examples of my BuJo, but honestly there are a ton of layout options all perfectly explained online (check Pinterest, it was the most helpful for me).  Instead, I want to give the three favorite realizations I’ve had since starting a bullet journal and why I think it’s something that’s gonna stick for a while:

1. It marries my creative and practical side.  I’m not super artistic.  People that can set up amazing parties for their kids, write in calligraphy and sew basically anything, I’m in awe of.  The cool thing with bullet journals is that if creativity IS your niche, then you can make a beautiful art project out of the whole thing.  And for us semi-artsy folk, it’s just fun to make simple banners and borders for pages, making the various spreads look like an uber-cute planner.  Love.  Oh, did I mention all the list making?  
2. It has made me more efficient.  There are a couple around-the-house tasks that I’ve been meaning to get to, but they constantly get ignored because, well, life.  In the two weeks that I’ve started this BuJo though, I’ve been able to X off at least 4 different random jobs that were always bugging me, but not to the point that I’d take time to actually do something.  But seeing the outline of my day / week / month, how much time I really do have and then listing the things that I'd like to do in any given day / week / month has pushed me.  In a good way.  Since I’m not overly spontaneous, my go-to with empty time is chill.  With this I’ve been surprised that I still have time to chill, but it’s with a cleaner conscious knowing that I accomplished above and beyond my normal. Good stuff.
3. It’s detached me from what doesn’t matter.  I heard somewhere recently that we touch our phones around an average of 150 times a day.  I go through seasons with and without technology, shut out TV for a time, go without checking social media, etc.  It’s always refreshing, but I find myself back at it before too long.  And not that it’s bad, goodness, I love myself a good panda frolicking in the snow video or multiple clips of people falling off boats while fishing.  And seriously, I can’t get enough of all the Tasty videos that show how to make some delicious dessert or dinner in what looks like 5 easy steps.  But if I were to tally up the time spent on devices every day, I really don’t want it to be a significant piece of a 24-hour pie chart.  I want it to be minuscule.  And I’ve been shocked at how well my brain has worked with keeping all the events, practices, and appointments just by putting pen to paper.  I still have alarms set in my phone, but now when they go off I’m already headed to where I need to be going.  Dare I say I might be able to go without using my phone for that soon?  Maybe.   

So.  If you feel led, do check out this awesome, creative, freeing idea.  It might just be the thing you didn't know you always needed.