Peter John Courson

Sitting at my computer listening to Dan Fogelberg sing “Longer” and there’s waves of nostalgia crashing over me.  This is a song and an artist I grew up listening to because my parents really loved his music, along with some of the other incredible singer-songwriters of the 1970s.  

This week has been one that’s caused me to reflect a bit: my life, my past, my faith.  The pastor that cemented my belief in Jesus Christ passed away this last week.  His name is Peter John Courson and he was only a handful of years older than me…which at this point blows my mind, because I think when he came to Applegate Christian Fellowship and took over the main role of teaching pastor from his father, he couldn’t have been older than 30.  

Peter John had a calling and a gift.  His father, Jon, taught in a manner that demanded respect.  Jon’s teachings were always rich, deep and thorough.  They were full of information and insight and were incredibly powerful.  

// Side bar…now listening to Annie’s Song by John Denver - tell me a song with a more beautiful melody.  I’ll wait. //

When Peter John came and started teaching it was like a breath of fresh air.  Gone were the teachings of Old Testament doctrine, and the constant message was that of grace, love and the gospel.  He taught about Jesus.  

One of the things I’ve loved so far this year in reading through the Bible in it’s entirety is the beautiful balance that’s struck between Old Testament and New Testament scripture.  The OT is full of instruction and law and while some can feel suppressed by that, I think it’s a beautiful picture of what God’s ideal was: an earth where people treated each other well, where they loved God and respected Him, and where their life flourished.  Then in the New Testament, you have this balm of grace that permeates every scripture passage.  Jesus died and His death changes the course of history.  No longer are we tied to the law, we are free and we have the freedom to love others well and allow grace to save them. 

When Peter John came to be the head pastor at ACF my faith was struggling big time.  It was the first time in my life where I’d been shown other options besides Christianity and I was a mess of confusion and doubt.  In the months prior I had been hired at ACF to do worship, so I had to be at a certain number of services each week.  It was hard to sit in church and listen with my ears feeling dimmed to what I was taking in.  But slowly, PJ’s words and messages started to chip away at the hardness of my heart.  

I know that God didn’t take Jon away from Applegate for those 7 or so years only to have me be able to take in PJ’s perspective on grace and have that literally save my soul…but what if He did?  

It’s crazy to me that this incredible man’s life was cut so short.  It’s the epitome of life not being fair, because on the one hand, he had so many health struggles that to be free of those was something that everyone would want for him.  But in order for that to happen, he had to be taken away.  

I’m sure I’m one of thousands that can say their life was made better through PJ and his spreading of the gospel.  I am so thankful.  So thankful for him.  

And it has made me ask myself this question all week - what is my life about?  Really.  Not the overarching goal, but what do I make my life about day in and day out?  Because I want it to be about Jesus.  All of it.  I hope that when the time comes for my life to be over that people will think of me, sure, but that they will be able to say that I made them think of Jesus.  Because truly, truly, there’s nothing else that matters.  

Manna

Manna - even reading the word brings about this sense of a deep breath exhaled.  There’s a writer I came across recently and she mentioned manna in a story, and it was like a neon yellow marker highlighted the word right in front of my eyes.  

My "Word of the Year" and its intention changes from year to year.  Sometimes it’s a word that’s more of a challenge and other years it’s an easy shift.  This year it’s somehow both.  

Manna was a daily food ration supplied to the Israelites when they were in the desert after escaping Egypt.  It was literal food, but was also a reminder of God’s providence, His blessing and His ability to take care of their needs daily.  

I NEED to be reminded of this.  

This year has been incredibly challenging: 

People change. 

Friendships shift.  

Marriage is no joke.  

Parenting is hard.  

Family can be constricting and difficult.  

Church can make you feel misunderstood and unimportant.  

Ministry opportunities can be unfulfilling.  

And beyond just the scope of my immediate circle of life, the world is messed up.  There’s rampant pain and suffering everywhere and it crushes my soul knowing that the enemy has victory day after day.  

And yet there’s hope…

Being raised in church I know the importance of spending time with the Lord often, and I’ve had seasons where I’m on top of it, but also had spans of time where my Bible literally starts collecting dust on my nightstand.  

I recently read through the book of Exodus and it was shocking to me that the Israelites complained as much as they did after coming out of Egypt.  They witnessed what could be the most extravagant miracle of the Old Testament in the parting of the Red Sea and yet three days later they’re whining and losing faith.  Also, they literally had a glory cloud, like God’s actual presence hovering above them and they lost hope and started whining.  I’d love to say I’m so different, but I’m not.  I’ll see the favor of the Lord pour out in my life in some beautiful way and then completely forget about it when the hard times inevitably cycle around.  Granted, living now it’s not a feast or famine situation, it’s more gazing at my daughter’s perfect nose or relaxing into a warm bed then getting confused and frustrated at a news article that reeks of injustice or the behaviors of friends and family that don’t make sense.  

So here’s what I love about manna and the promise of being in the Word everyday:

1. It was fresh daily - I know that being in the Word is a gift and that there’s something new for me to understand and take in every time.  Even if it’s a passage or story I’ve read before it’s inevitable that something new will stand out.  

2. It was all they needed for that day - So much of my worry comes from trying to predict the future and attempting to wrap my feeble mind around what I THINK is going to happen.  Nah.  God is so much bigger and better than my reasoning.  I need to take in what I can for today and allow tomorrow to take care of itself. 

3. It was sweet - Exodus says that manna tasted like crackers with honey on it.  It was easy to eat and enjoy, and time in the Word is that for me.  I started reading through the Bible with The Message translation and it’s a shift from the King James Version that I was raised on.  It’s easy to understand and digest and makes so many passages read in a sweet yet satisfying way. 

This year was difficult, but at the same time I’ve seen how the Lord has provided freedom and fresh understanding:

People change - Yeah, but that doesn’t mean that I have to.  

Friendships shift - This was for some reason revolutionary to me, but it made me appreciate those in my life that are ride or die and allowed me to be fond of memories of the past without having unrealistic expectations for the future.  

Marriage is no joke - I love Ryan and this year we put in some work and learned to collaborate instead of compete - literally best year ever.  

Parenting IS hard - But it’s a beautiful difficulty that when I lean into the exhaustion, the slowness and the instruction it’s somehow more rewarding than I ever thought it could be.  

Family CAN be difficult - But when I put in time and create a safe space for open communication it lowers walls and starts to form real relationships.  

Church IS imperfect - But it’s trying it’s best and when I step back and give it credit for all the good it’s doing it’s easier to work slowly on the areas that need help.  

Ministry opportunities CAN shift - And that’s okay.  For everything there is a season, and it’s important to know when to step away from something that isn’t your lane.  

2018, God, I’m grateful to you for teaching me the importance of focus and patience and love.  2019, Lord, prepare my heart and give me the dedication and commitment to seek You daily.  

Cheers.  

"Give us today our daily bread..." Matthew 6:11

Vaycayshun*

Welp, Kauai is awesome.  We departed a little over a week ago for 8 days of sun, sand and fun and we got all that and more besides.  This was my first time to this island and I honestly didn’t want to leave.  Not just because of the island and all her treasures, but because there’s something about vacationing that is such a special treat.  But before I get into that, here’s some of my favorite things about this magical place:

The humidity, once you submit to it, keeps you literally at ease.  If you try to hustle or get annoyed, it gets annoyed back.  Relax, and it’s a nice, warm sauna.  Try to fight it and it’s like you’re living in a cat’s mouth.  There were short bursts of rain showers  just about every day we were there, but honestly once you got used to the fact that you were always going to be sticky and sweaty - a little rain wasn’t the worst thing. 

The beaches are beautiful.  Where we were staying you couldn’t play in the shore, but up at the top of the island we visited Anini Beach (I’ll take the $34 million beach house that’s for sale on that road please), down south we went to Poipu Beach (the boogie boarders had all of the adults delightfully entertained) and right near us we had Lydgate Beach (full on rock wall built so that the babes can wade out on their own AND snorkel in a man-made lagoon).  I felt like every time I glanced anywhere the exact image could be taken and put on the front of a postcard.  Absolutely surreal.

Ryan, Iz, Chris and Rally building rock towers at Anini Beach

The garden island - fo real.  If you consider Oregon to be a green place, then Kauai basically makes it seem like a desert.  It’s like 90 shades of green there.  Driving north or south on the highway takes you through coverings of trees that look like they were models for the movie Ferngully.   Fat, wide, leaves that are the size of a skateboard, and then right after that banzai trees that look like God needed to adjust their ego by squashing them down with His hand.  It’s lush upon jungle upon majestic greenery that’s so beautiful it seems fake.  I fully understand why they filmed Jurassic Park and so many other movies there (sidenote: fully hummed the theme song when we were flying in over the island to land).  

The food - okay, this is always one thing that I like to center any vacation or short getaway around.  I love food and I love trying new restaurants.  Down on the south end we went to a fish restaurant called Merriman’s and there was some kind of macadamia nut crusted fish that was honestly one of the best dinner dishes I’ve ever had.  And their white chocolate filled malasadas rolled in cinnamon sugar with a coffee caramel dipping sauce weren’t bad either.  The first couple days there I was pretty good with my food choices, ordering black americanos, eating salads and chicken, etc.  But then I was introduced to the Thai Coffee.  The town we stayed in has a coffeehouse called Java Kai and it was legit.  The Thai Coffee is a whole milk latte (nom nom nom) that has a little sweetened condensed milk added. 😳 Umm, hi.  Welcome.  Get in my belly.  But the highlight of the trip as far as food goes was the shaved ice.  It’s like icy feathers.  There was an old Winnebago fixed up that sold shaved ice with few flavors, but all were native to the island - coconut, pineapple, lilikoi, strawberry, guava - it was beyond.  Thank you, Wailea Shaved Ice, for existing.  Xoxo

But my favorite thing about this trip was what it did to my mind.  I don’t have a paying job outside of my home, but my days aren’t exactly calm.  There’s activities, sports, playdates, worship meetings, band practices, friends, working out, church commitments, family time - it’s crazy how much get-up-and-go is the norm.  And on our first day there I found myself feeling anxious sitting on the beach and later on laying down in our hotel room thinking that I needed to wrap up what I was doing and move on to the next thing.  But I didn’t.  I calmed myself down, reminded my mind that there was zero rush, and allowed myself to sit and be.  And I swear, vacations in a place like that welcome you to do and be just that - exactly you, exactly now.  Yes, there are a bunch of things to do at home, but there, you can go everywhere as is.  I love that in all the restaurants and shops we went into every single person was in flip-flops.  I didn’t wear makeup or do my hair for a week straight and it was a damn delight.  I left my phone in the hotel room and instead had conversations about stopping the glorification of being busy and how to forge your own path as a family.  It was a breath of fresh air - okay, fresh, thick, warm air.  

And it wasn’t all sunshine and smiles.  If you want to know the worst possible sentence you can hear as you’re guesting at the lazy river, salt water lagoon, waterslide laden, 2 acre large water park of the swankiest 5 star resort on the island it’s: “Charlie pooped in the pool”.  😑 Yep.  That happened.  And having a 9 month old with such crazy FOMO on 5 hour flights is not awesome.  And now back on the mainland my black coffee tastes like hot garbage.  However, the good far outweighed the difficult.  

Gigi and Charlie Kate before Poopgate

So thank you, Kauai.  You treated this lady really well, and I can’t wait to return.   

Charlie, Magnolia and Iz checking out the waves at Poipu Beach

*The credit for this particular spelling of vacation goes to my friend, Amber Salhus.  I remember reading it on a blog of hers once and it stuck with me. 😉

Seasons

I love mornings.  If I had to choose between sitting and watching a sunrise or sunset I’d opt for sunrise 9 times out of 10.  Maybe because in the morning I’m drinking my first mug of coffee (btw is there anything better than that first sip of your first cup), and my mind, while awake, is slow-moving, so it’s easy to just observe rather than fight off sleepiness or thoughts of the day that just ended.  

Early today in Maggie’s room I gazed out the window to happily see that the darkness was giving way to that lighter blue haze.  Daylight savings time takes away the pre-dawn light for a little bit, but I swear already I see the natural flow of daytime starting to stretch it’s way into the wee hours of morning.  

Seasons are interesting.  They’re constant.  And who doesn’t love spring?  Actually, I know some people don’t.  My buddy Dana and a couple of her boys get gnarly allergies once the season shifts warmer and it’s wretched.  But allergies aside!  I feel like spring practically buzzes with life and promise.  Each season has overwhelming sensations that accompany it: summer has warmth, relaxation and everyone starts listening to country music (or at least they should).  Fall has lists, excitement with school and the unbeatable feeling of comfort with nights that call for jackets, chili and football.  Winter has a joy that’s unmatched as holiday anticipation starts to wind-up and the love that you embody for family and friends reaches it’s peak.  

But spring.  There’s nothing like it.  To me it brings about the most welcome notion of any of the seasons - a sense of hope.  

Change is a part of life.  It’s inevitable.  And there are times I forget about it because it feels like it’s never going to happen (which isn’t the case) or fear it because it’s happening too quickly (usually not the case either).  

I saw one of my favorite young couples together at church last Sunday.  They dated a couple years ago for a few months but broke up due to distance and choices that seemed necessary at the time.  But now they are together and stronger, both focused on a future together because they allowed themselves to wait for the right season to make their relationship what it needed to be.  I was so excited to see them next to each other I almost stopped singing…on stage.  “Praise Him and OHMIGOSH YOU GUYS ARE BACK TOGETHER!!!!!!”  It was close. 

Some seasons are longer than others.  I’m in the space right now where normal pants don’t happen, make-up is rarely applied and I don’t leave my house very often - all of which can be frustrating.  My middle child was born almost six years ago, and I had gotten to a point where my life and body felt like my own again.  And now I’m back at square one looking down at a stomach that kind of folds over onto itself, circles under my eyes that seem to be tattooed on and an infant that’s bound and determined to be held 99% of the time she’s awake.  It’s hard to imagine even a year or so ago to where I would pick up the kids from school in a button-down shirt, jeans and high heeled boots.  BOOTS, PEOPLE!!  

What life has sweetly taught me though, is that in any given season I have a choice.  To grimace at the current and strive too quickly to change to the betterment of the future?  To look longingly back and wish that different decisions had been made so that the situation now was something else?  Or to allow myself to exist in what is happening so fully and completely that when the change and hope of a new season strikes, I find myself not fearful, nor exhausted, just blissfully saying - ahhhh, yes.  

Cause here’s what’s awesome - comfy pants help me move around and wrestle with my kids easily, plus there’s no amount of spit-up or poop that can ruin them.  No make-up means I can put my face all over my baby’s and I don't need to worry about whatever oils, chemicals or colors are there to rub off on her perfect skin.  And not leaving my house a bunch means I get to get her naps down pat.  Can I get a fist raised in solidarity from all the mamas for that feeling when you lay them down, slide the bedroom door shut and listen closely to hear…silence? Yaaaaaaaaas.     

And wouldn’t you know it, slowly, but surely…metamorphosis.  Sit-ups can happen now because my stomach muscles are strengthening, the husband’s reaction when we go out and I exit our room dressed and with hair and make-up done is like “hey, girl...what are you doing later?”, and taking excursions here and there beyond just the grocery store has me all kinds of pumped for adult conversation.  In that vein, if I have run into you around town and talked your ear off for ten minutes - sorry.    

So as spring gets sprung, may you breathe deep the anticipation of this season.  Real refinement is absolute, but it takes time.  Am I the only person who thinks God created seasons to LITERALLY remind us of that?  Change is always coming, some good and some bad, so enjoy the good, persist through the difficult and always, always hope.  Because just when you think you’re stuck and things aren’t ever going to evolve, you find yourself wearing actual pants instead of sweats again.  

Why I'm newly obsessed with Bullet Journaling and you could be too...

Let me start by saying “You’re welcome”.  If you have yet to look into the wonderful world of the Bullet Journal and this is your first time hearing about it, again, you are welcome.  I owe a huge debt of gratitude to my girl Amber Salhus, for it is solely because of her that I discovered my BuJo (yah, that’s the abbreviation, NOT bj…that is something else).  

If you have heard of Bullet Journaling and looked into it on Pinterest or Instagram or just the plain ol’ internet you probably became slightly overwhelmed at ALL OF THE BUJO THINGS.  There are videos, blogs and countless pictures and examples of how you can set up your very own Bullet Journal.  

To start at the beginning though, let me say that a Bullet Journal is basically a calendar / planner / journal that you customize completely for your own life.  I always liked the idea of using a planner, but I have never found one that had room for all the things I needed without a bunch of extra crap I didn’t want to use.  So for the last however long I’ve put kiddos sports practice info, birthdays and important events on a wall calendar and set up all the day to day appointments I need to remember in my phone…with multiple reminders.  It’s a system that’s worked, and if it’s similar to what you do then you might be thinking “I need not this Bujo crap”, but that’s where you might be wrong, friend. 

Just answer these following questions and if any of your responses are “yes” then I’m just saying…bullet journaling might be your jam.

1. Was your second favorite day growing up (Christmas is always the favorite) the day you went school supply shopping?
2. When you go on a trip of any sort do you make a list of all the things you want to make sure you pack?
3. Do you have random flyers from your work / church / kids’ school listing when certain party supplies are due, when baseball signups are and what code you need to put into the website in order to get it done, or birthday party invites with the necessary address, etc?
4. Do you have any kind of project that needs to be worked on, cleaned out or organized, but for whatever reason still remains unfinished?
5. Do you have random notes stored in your phone of favorite songs you want to remember to put on a playlist, books you want to read, places you want to vacay or products you wanna buy?  

Okay, if ANY of these have you nodding your head up and down, then do yourself a solid and buy a Leuchtturm 1917 (my choice of notebook) and a set of super fine tip pens (Staedtler 0.3mm fineliners) and get a-going.  

I could show examples of my BuJo, but honestly there are a ton of layout options all perfectly explained online (check Pinterest, it was the most helpful for me).  Instead, I want to give the three favorite realizations I’ve had since starting a bullet journal and why I think it’s something that’s gonna stick for a while:

1. It marries my creative and practical side.  I’m not super artistic.  People that can set up amazing parties for their kids, write in calligraphy and sew basically anything, I’m in awe of.  The cool thing with bullet journals is that if creativity IS your niche, then you can make a beautiful art project out of the whole thing.  And for us semi-artsy folk, it’s just fun to make simple banners and borders for pages, making the various spreads look like an uber-cute planner.  Love.  Oh, did I mention all the list making?  
2. It has made me more efficient.  There are a couple around-the-house tasks that I’ve been meaning to get to, but they constantly get ignored because, well, life.  In the two weeks that I’ve started this BuJo though, I’ve been able to X off at least 4 different random jobs that were always bugging me, but not to the point that I’d take time to actually do something.  But seeing the outline of my day / week / month, how much time I really do have and then listing the things that I'd like to do in any given day / week / month has pushed me.  In a good way.  Since I’m not overly spontaneous, my go-to with empty time is chill.  With this I’ve been surprised that I still have time to chill, but it’s with a cleaner conscious knowing that I accomplished above and beyond my normal. Good stuff.
3. It’s detached me from what doesn’t matter.  I heard somewhere recently that we touch our phones around an average of 150 times a day.  I go through seasons with and without technology, shut out TV for a time, go without checking social media, etc.  It’s always refreshing, but I find myself back at it before too long.  And not that it’s bad, goodness, I love myself a good panda frolicking in the snow video or multiple clips of people falling off boats while fishing.  And seriously, I can’t get enough of all the Tasty videos that show how to make some delicious dessert or dinner in what looks like 5 easy steps.  But if I were to tally up the time spent on devices every day, I really don’t want it to be a significant piece of a 24-hour pie chart.  I want it to be minuscule.  And I’ve been shocked at how well my brain has worked with keeping all the events, practices, and appointments just by putting pen to paper.  I still have alarms set in my phone, but now when they go off I’m already headed to where I need to be going.  Dare I say I might be able to go without using my phone for that soon?  Maybe.   

So.  If you feel led, do check out this awesome, creative, freeing idea.  It might just be the thing you didn't know you always needed. 

36

36.  Basically 40.  Every 40 and 50 something will read that last sentence and roll their eyes.  It’s the same reaction I have when anyone in their 20s says they are basically 30.  But still, I’m on that slant towards the end of this decade and it’s a mixture of feelings: excitement, hesitance, relaxation - all rolled into one.  

I love having a January birthday because it means combining whatever New Year’s Resolutions I have with ideas and wants for my upcoming birth year.  So with that in mind 36 is a lot of goals, so I just settled for 6.  Here they are: 

1. Wash my face at night.  This might seem super obvious or gross depending on what your current personal hygiene ritual consists of.  There are way too many nights where I get into bed without washing my face EVEN THOUGH I KNOW all the things.  Left on make-up makes you age, what is getting on your pillowcase, etc.  I am starting to get some slight wrinkle lines in my forehead and even though I’m not thinking about Botox (no judgment to peeps already doing it) or fillers, I do need to take a little bit better care of my face.  So washing it every night - goal number one.  Along with that I need to floss more.  And if we’re talking just body maintenance some stretching before and after work outs would be a good idea.  I don’t consider myself old by any means, but I’m not as flexible or able to shrug off aches and pains anymore.  Let’s get it together, Baker.    
2. Teach my kids some basic responsibilities.  I read the “Little House in the Big Woods” series when I was a little girl and then reread them when I was pregnant with Charlie.  They may have damaged my outlook on kids in this day and age and what they should / can be responsible for.  Laura and Mary were out every day doing the wash, helping Ma with cooking, doing dishes, collecting maple syrup from the freaking maple trees, knitting their own clothes for their dolls - these girls were legit.  My children can’t seem to get their towels into the laundry hamper.  Apparently the floor directly to the left of the hamper is as close as they are capable. *sigh* Kids.  But this year they’re turning 7 and 6 on their respective birthdays and I am pretty much done allowing them to get away with being slobs.  Don’t get me wrong, they are great at certain chores.  They can help me unload the dishwasher, they put their laundry away…ish, they CAN clean their rooms even though that usually means all things shoved under the bed, in a closet or drawer - so this is the year.  We’re gonna figure out how to take care of our basic space, and take care of it well.  I’m realizing that it’s not as simple as telling / yelling at them to do something repeatedly.  I need to teach them.  So taking time to show them, probably time after time, how to clean their room, make their beds, keep the bathroom tidy, put toys away, sweep, mop, detail my car…too much?  We’ll get going on the basics.  And I’m going to read them those books for good measure.  
3. Speaking of reading, I want to listen to more music and read more books.  Watching TV is my ultimate relaxation activity because it turns off every single working part of my body.  I’m sitting or laying down, I’m not talking, I’m not having to use my brain in any capacity.  But I don’t know if that’s necessarily the best.  My word of the year is “Be” and part of that idea is to be more present in whatever is happening.  Reading is just as calming as watching the tube, but I’m using more of my imagination.  And listening to music is the same.  When is the last time I sat down and just listened to music?  Ummm…it’s been awhile.  And doing that will invite the ability to still engage with what is around me without being completely mindless.   
4. Learn how to…now there’s lots of things that could finish this sentence, so I’ll just list a few that I’m determined to conquer this year: bake a pie.  One where the crust is buttery and flaky and the filling isn’t a gloppy mess.  Also, I wanna learn how to bake bread.  I can do cakes and cupcakes no sweat, but when you get yeast and proofing involved I’m like what the…how…hmm…so this year - gonna get it.  Also, I want to learn some new songs on the piano.  Classical songs.  I haven’t taken piano lessons since I was 17, but I want to re-learn some of the songs I used to know and master a few new ones while I’m at it.  Yes, that means playing on my daughter’s plug-in keyboard up in the playroom, but whatever, I’m into it.  And finally, I wanna learn to garden.  A little bit.  I’m talking herb garden.  I don’t have a green thumb unlike basically every other woman in my family, but I want to try.  Besides, I like basil on pretty much everything, so win win.  
5. Be spontaneous.  This is so hard for me.  I’m type A, organized, logical, planning things are my jam and lists literally get me slightly aroused.  It doesn’t mean that I’m always on time or have all my ducks in a row, ha.  No.  But for the most part I’m usually pretty in control of what’s happening.  I want to not be so much.  A friend of mine wrote a blog entry and in it said “Art is hard, but logic is boring”.  Now I don’t entirely agree with that, because to me logic is sexy as all get out.  But I agree that there is difficulty in being artistic.  It’s being vulnerable to our feelings, allowing creativity to take over and moving forward into the unknown.  But that to me perfectly describes spontaneity and THAT is what I want to venture into.    
6. Dare I say - dream.  Usually when talking to someone about their goals or thoughts on life, when they say the word “dream” I’m rolling my eyes.  Inwardly if not on the outside.  I think it’s a word that is used WAY too often in our culture as this blanket of reason that allows us to shove aside convention as if it’s pointless and beneath the calling of what we deem worthy of our current and future selves.  But cynicism aside, there IS something to the idea of dreaming.  I watched La La Land the other day and the main characters were so sweetly supportive and genuinely excited for each other to go after what they really wanted to do and be.  I have a hesitancy in me that links up with a martyr-type mentality, that only will we experience Christ-likeness when and if we suffer as He did.  And while I think it’s so important to be thinking of our dreams in a “What have you given and placed inside me, God, that I can use to further Your kingdom here on earth” mentality versus just a “God, what do You have for me” way - we have been given this big, beautiful opportunity called LIFE and I want to be less pessimistic about infinite possibilities and more open to what it is He would have for me to do.  So basically I want to start more sentences with “You know what would be cool?…”. 

So there they are.  Six goals for my 36th year.  Cheers to another year and another round of pushing myself to be exactly who He created me to be.  

Be

From the time I was about 10 our family spent an extended weekend every summer with three other families at a cabin up at Lake of the Woods.  Lakes are my favorite body of water.  For some it’s rivers, most people love the ocean, but for me there is nothing like the calm quiet of a beautiful lake.  My favorite moments weren’t when we would go inter tubing or swimming because obviously there are creatures in the depths of lakes waiting to eat me.  Bonfires at night were special cause you could always see a beautiful sunset followed by an explosion of stars that popped out against the blueish-black sky - but again, not my favorite times.  The time that brought the most contentment to my young soul was the morning.  

Lake mornings are almost surreal.  If you get out of the cabin and down on a dock before the morning water-skiers try to take advantage of the glassy surface, it’s a palpable sense of calm.  You can hear everything and nothing simultaneously.  I felt so small in comparison to the vast stretch of water before me and the huge forest covered mountains stretching up behind.  It was just me and nature, Him and I, existing in our solitude of togetherness.  Magic.

Fast forward 25 years and life doesn’t have those moments as often.  Yes, there are times of pause and reflection, but they are few and far between.  As time goes by, kids are added to the family, life becomes a flurry of multi-tasking.  Taking the kids to school, doing homework with them when they’re home, going to this practice and that playdate, nursing a newborn and holding her when she’s grumpy, grocery shopping, sweeping, doing dishes, taking out trash, working out - and in the midst finding time to connect with those that we love in a real way.  It’s hard.  

So this year, I’m hopefully expectant with my Word of the Year: be.  Not be more content, not be stronger, not be more kind, no - just be.  

My relationship with the Lord is always something that is at the forefront of my thoughts.  And I’ve come to realize that I do more studying, more praying and more worshipping than I do just spending time with Him.  Allowing His words, His actual voice, to move through me and stir my heart, mind and soul.  It’s an impossible thing to do with the TV on.  I can’t attempt it with kids jumping on my bed, or while rallying up on what the day holds with my husband.  I don’t want to do it with anyone else, I want to go back to that feeling of overwhelming quiet.  The lake effect.  

So I’m going to take time to just be with Jesus every day.  Twenty minutes.  Outside.  Rain or shine.  No Bible, no music, no talking.  Just being.  And I look forward to what He will speak and form and do.  

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Luke 10:38-42 “Now as they were traveling along, Jesus went into a village.  A woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home.  She had a sister named Mary, who sat down at the Lord’s feet and kept listening to what He was saying.  But Martha was worrying about all the things she had to do, so she came to him and asked, “Lord, you do care that my sister has left to do the work all by myself, don’t you?  Then tell her to help me.”  The Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha! You worry and fuss about a lot of things.  But there’s only one thing you need.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it is not to be taken away from her.”

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