For 2015...

Isn't this week the best?  It's a week that's all about resetting your mind and body for the next year ahead.  There's clearing out Christmas clutter (love the holiday, but December 26th ALL decor is going down), breathing deep of the clear and cold air, and making resolutions in your heart and mind that will better your life and the lives of those close to you.  The only thing that would make it better would be if the 1st were a Monday. I love me a fresh start.

This last year my friend Amber encouraged me to pray about having a word of the year.  A word that I could pray about and ask the Lord to help me in specifically for 365 days.  For 2014 my word was "exceed" and man alive, did He ever.  Between my marriage getting literally a 180 degree turn-around, my heart on parenting being shifted completely, my physical body undergoing the best strength training and increase in mental focus and determination ever, and having a new calling arise and turn into an amazing opportunity for women to be together and love on each other in the Lord's Name - this year has truly blown my mind.  God has gone and done above and beyond all that I could ask or think.

So when it comes to a new year and a new word, I've been thinking of a few.  There's "pace": an idea that would shift me into taking charge of my time.  Right now I usually operate at either a frantic, break-neck speed that causes my children to be yelled at and my blood pressure to rise, or a completely chill scenario where I'm lazy and ignoring priorities.  "Be" has come to mind as well, the idea of being fully absorbed in whatever activity is happening at the moment.  If I'm working, then I'm working, if I'm playing with the kids, I'm playing with the kids, if I'm relaxing with a glass of wine, then I'm freaking relaxing with a glass of wine aka "I don't care if Charlie pooped her pants, she's going to have to wait a minuuuuuuute!!!".

But the word that I keep turning to, maybe because it's a lyric in one of my favorite Stevie Wonder songs, is lovely.

Lovely.  A word of many nuances.  It contains more character than beauty, more guts than grace, and more charm than kindness.  It embodies humility, warmth, and openness, and it places a picture in the hearer's mind of a person that people want to be near.

A lot of the words in that last paragraph don't really describe me *grimace*.  

I've always been better at truth, justice, and efficiency aka criticizing, passing judgement and trying to control everything.  Even if I'm doing something "loving" a lot of times in my head are non-loving thoughts.  To the driver that stopped obviously before me at the 4-way intersection that I'm politely waving across with a plastered smile on my face: "Come on, you freaking tard-hole, you were obviously there first".  To my husband as I come bungling out the door as we're late to church: "Look at you there in the front seat of the car, just drinking your coffee like you own the place.  Yah, don't worry, I got the kids dressed and fed and shoed and got myself ready and yah, just thanks."  To the family member that's 20 minutes late to a meal causing my main dish to get cold I'd say: "That's totally ok!  No worries", but really be thinking "Wench, you wouldn't be this gracious with me if I were 20 minutes late!!"  Gracious indeed.

How is a change so great going to happen?  Well, anything is possible with the Lord.  Anything.  And therein the victory lies.  It's being with Him more - "How lovely is Your dwelling place, O Lord almighty, my heart longs and even faints for You".  In His presence there is an unavoidable shift in your guts.  You can't help but take on His character, His loveliness.  That means doing more than just saying "I want to spend time with the Lord" - it's doing it.  My goal is 20 minutes a day.  Whether that's listening to a podcast (Levi Lusko at Fresh Life church is my favorite right now) or time reading the Word or putting on my noise-canceling headphones and listening to worship while looking out my front window as the sun comes up - it's time taken to be apart from my world and be soaked in His.

So, as I look to 2015 I pray that the Lord will manifest Himself in my life in a big way.  He's going to have to.  That way if I can showcase elegance and grace and genuine love towards my kids, friends, family, strangers - I will know it is not me, but He Who is in me.  Does this mean I won't use potty humor anymore?  No.  Does it mean that the f word won't occasionally slip out of my mouth?  Doubtful.  Does it mean that I'll look polished and put together at all times?  That's hilarious.

What I hope is that my natural instincts in any given situation will be to love.  Love truthfully.  Love graciously.  Love automatically.  Cheers to 2015, may this  year be your most lovely.