31

In my 30s. It’s strange to think that in a little over a week that will be me. Turning 30 was a breeze, but 31 feels like instead of lifting my foot onto the next step stone of life, I’m being picked up and tossed onto a level infinitely higher than the previous one. It’s not scary or daunting, just…different. But with every year that comes I accept it which helps me to own it which allows me to love it. So in that light I have spent a bit of time happily realizing the changes that have occurred in my personality, judgment and all around attitude about life in the last decade. I can fondly remember back ten years ago to my 21st birthday. Now THAT was a fun night. Little too much fun as it ended with my good friend’s brand new Jetta getting coated inside and out with my vomit and me getting dropped off at my apartment before midnight for my roommate to come home to 3 hours later and find me half-naked in the hallway sleeping the various cocktails off. Good times.

I’ve changed quite a bit since then and as I look at how my tastes have changed, here are the standouts:

1. I love Sunset magazine.
It’s the only periodical that I subscribe too. Occasionally I’ll pick up an issue of In Style or People, but every time I do I realize that it’s the same ideas, same fashion tips, same makeup on the same hairstyle on the same girl who’s doing the same role in the same movie – it’s all surface. But Sunset caters to me; it has smart home decorating ideas, instructions for planting vegetable and flower gardens, great restaurant tips and perfect spots to go for a weekend getaway here in the northwest. It’s a glossy look at my life: eating, exploring the beautiful area we live in and making my house a home.
2. I like watching the news and drinking a cup of coffee in the morning.
Not having TV growing up wasn’t a bad thing because when we vacationed at my moms parents’ home in Manteca, California every summer it was cartoons all day for my siblings and I. I remember racing to get up earlier than Jenny and Kelley because that way I’d be in charge of the remote. That is until my parents and grandparents got up because then they took over the living room TV to watch the news. Blech. I could not understand how they could stomach something so incredibly boring. Fast forward 20 years and I love it. As far as the coffee goes, if you’re a parent it goes without saying. It’s not a trend or an accessory, it’s vital.
3. I’m not as picky about my music.
This is kind of true. About 7 years ago when tons of independent bands and labels started coming on the scene and hipsters started dictating what music was cool or not I remember feeling uncomfortable. I’ve always had a spot in my heart for unpretentious lyrics, funky grooves and singers that sing with the most overused word in music nowadays – soul. As more and more bands came on the scene it became too hard to keep up. How was I supposed to listen to every new artist and if I couldn’t, whose opinion could I trust? Scratch all that now. Pop radio still has a song that’ll catch my attention now and then, but in my heart I’m still a fan of the older stuff. Aretha, James Taylor or Stevie Wonder are my choices of Pandora stations. That type of music just hooks me. Same with country (which 10 years ago would have made me vomit in my platform pumps). I love country music with its twangy, heart-felt, repetitious ideas of down home, back woods, small town type of living & loving.
4. Speaking of tastes changing…
I now prefer mustard instead of mayo. Almonds and walnuts in desserts don’t bother me like they used to. Veggies that have squishy textures (couldn’t look at them 10 years ago) like squash, zucchini and avocado are now a staple in my diet. I guess you could say my palette has become a bit more mature, although if you ask me if a wine varietal has a smoky vs. fruity aftertaste my answer might as well come from my butt. No clue.
5. But the biggest change is…
My life isn’t mine anymore. It belongs to my husband and kids. I’m not stating that in an upset, woe-is-me, I’m nothing but a stay-at-home mom kind of way and I’m also not saying it in a defensive manner to validate my choice to be at home with my kids to my friends that have killer careers and the desire to work outside of their house. It’s just the plain, simple truth. I don’t spend afternoons in coffee shops browsing the internet, reading a book or listening to music. I don’t put on adorable heels and sparkly mini-dresses for a weekly girls night out. I say “no” to a lot of music opportunities, get togethers with friends, trips with family and even activities with other kids involved because all of those things just don’t work with my life as it is now. I get to watch and hold two living, breathing pieces of my heart on a daily basis and I get to maintain a house that when my husband comes home, makes him feel a sense of ease and relaxation as soon as he sets foot into the door. It’s not all about me anymore, but it brings me joy.

So with all that said there are still things that remain a part of me from my 20s. I still get my club dance on and look ridiculous, but now I have an audience of two very wide-eyed, smiling kids watching me wondering why mom is acting crazy. My righteous temper that used to get me speeding tickets and middle finger salutes from other drivers still rears it’s ugly head, but the only person who can really bring it out of me is my man. And he knows to do that sparingly. I still like to think of myself as unique from my peers, even though Facebook & Pinterest have shown me that I’m actually very similar to them. We all like to drink wine, bake decadent desserts and only eat one piece, work out that post baby body to a skinnier version of our 20-something self, wear scarves regardless of the season, decorate our kids’ rooms, shabby chic the shiz out of our homes and fantasize about trips with our hubbies to Greece, Italy & Fiji.

I love the carefree joy that came with my 20s, but I am thoroughly enjoying the thoughtful ease that has taken over in these recent years. That girl recovering from her first hangover on January 20, 2002 is still here, she just knows now not to mix her alcohols.

I have no room to complain

Watching "Good Morning, America" this morning, my eye kept getting drawn to the ticker running alongside the bottom of the screen because it was something about a 4 year old boy, but I kept missing the first part. I knew it probably wasn't something good, but something in my stomach forced me to keep watching in order to get the whole sentence. When I finally read it, I really wished I hadn't: "Body found in central California canal belongs to 4 year old boy kidnapped from his home". It was something along those lines and my eyes immediately started to well up with tears. The thing that made me saddest though, was that this sentence was strung along with dozens of other headlines streaming across TV's all over the nation like a passing thought or a whispered piece of gossip. It's like the message was "this isn't that important, but thought you all should know". But for that family? My gosh, I can not even begin to imagine the pain and horrific sorrow that is ripping them apart right now. Being a mom has made my heart much more fragile, and I hate that news like this is a normal part of the everyday in this broken world. And of all things in life that make me question the heart of our Saviour, it's stories like this. Someone so innocent who did not deserve what came their way, but I guess that perfectly describes Jesus, doesn't it?

All that to say, that while this story shook me up a bit this morning, my attention span with Israel was renewed today. I rocked him to sleep for both his early nap and his bedtime tonight. Rather then sitting in front of the TV while nursing, I took the time to feed him while sitting in my rocker and watch him. Instead of checking Facebook or playing a game on my phone while he goofs around on his toys in the living room, I challenged him to a crawling contest and then tried to teach him a more modern version of pattycake. My friend Amber wrote something once that I really, really liked. She talked about investing in her kids, taking those little moments to pour into them, not just try and survive the day to day in this thing called motherhood. I think that's SO important because it's what makes anything you do enjoyable. The more you put into it, the more you get out of it, and today, despite the sadness of this morning and the heartache I feel for that family, in a weird way the snippet inspired me to make the most of my day with my son. I don't want to complain about the cuteness that is my sweet little bundle of smiles because truly I'm blessed.