Hiya!! (the karate chop, not the cheerful greeting)

After having kids, there's no such thing as a perfectly smooth, easy day*. All days are challenging and every once in awhile a doozy comes along. Today is my doozy and here's the crappiest thing: it's only 10:15 am.

One of my resolutions in January was to get up earlier so I could enjoy some quiet time alone and start off the day with a workout, devotions and a shower. When that doesn't happen Ryan ends up coming home to someone that resembles his wife but has an eye twitch and a mouth like a trucker. So this morning when I got back from the gym I really wanted to take a shower and get ready. In that order. All at once. Without interruption. Israel was awake when I got home and was happily hanging on our bed watching "Bolt", and I got done with the shower before Charlie woke up but then would get about two strands through my hair straightener before she was screaming for attention (she's sick - more on that in a minute). I decided to put off finishing my hair and makeup until she went down for a nap and thought I was okay with waiting...until I went downstairs to make breakfast, found that ants had invaded our pantry and went Bruce Lee on their asses with a microwave popcorn bag. Seriously, I smashed them so hard I'm pretty sure their little skeletons are imprinted on the cabinet walls. Maybe I'm not as ok giving up "my time" as I thought.

I don't get to this point very often (although the dent that my husband patched in the kitchen wall where I threw a water bottle two months ago would say otherwise), so when I do freak out I know I need to take a step back and get really...real. Figure out what issues were building up as kindling, what catalyst sparked the fire tantrum and how I'm gonna douse this mo fo. For this one the kindling issues are pretty easy - Charlie is still recovering from a nasty cold and is neeee-dy, Daylight Savings Time was real helpful as far as changing both kids' bed and wake times (middle finger salute to the troll who implemented that and the geniuses that still find it necessary) and I'm coming off a month of being somewhat out of commission cause I jacked up my neck and kept re-injuring it tending to my babes. Because of said neck injury I haven't been able to sleep well or work out - today was my first gym class in about 5 weeks, so I really wanted to go, get done and get going on my day. So there's the kindling, listed and accounted for.

The catalyst could be the second heytell my mother sent me. The first was at 8:00 saying that she wanted to come by and see the babies before she had to go into work at 10:30. The second came at 9:45 saying she had gotten "lost" in her devotions and journal that morning and wouldn't be over until after 10. My jealousy started causing my neck veins to spasm - you were able to get so into your reading time without distraction that you lost track of time completely. (Quick note: need to point out that the luxury of time seems to be ignored by a lot of teens and 20 somethings. When I see or hear a girl complain about how they want to be married or have kids I just want to say "shut uuuuuuuuup!" I want to say it like that too, where the "uuuuuuuup"is long and held out and I want to be holding their shoulders and shaking them or smacking them in the face because they're not enjoying and taking full advantage of the freedom that comes with being single and kid-free. If you really want to experience life with kids, try this exercise: take two stopwatches and set stopwatch A for 38 minutes and stopwatch B for 22 seconds. Start stopwatch A and sit on your hands in a corner facing the wall. When stopwatch A stops, start stopwatch B and get up and do what you need to do. Gotta be fast cause 22 seconds goes by real quick. As soon as that stops, go back to the corner and re-start Stopwatch A. Repeat this for the entirity of your day.) Back to the catalyst - maybe it was my hubby and his 25 minute session spent in the bathroom "reading". What is that. It happens every day and I know that he can't be going poo for that duration because he would be completely dehydrated and probably very ill. More than likely though, the true catalyst was Charlie's crying. That girl is determined. And when she's not feeling good she wants you to be holding her and she will let you know that.

Now onto how to curb this one. Not-so-shocking truth, I'm already over it. At this point it's now close to 5:00 in the afternoon and my husband is home entertaining the kids while I'm sitting on a comfy chair editing this. Parenting can be suffocatingly difficult, but it's the trials that make it rich. Just like anything worthy of great love, it can't come easy and I don't want it any other way because just as I'm blessed to shape those little lives, they're shaping mine in return.

Suffering is working in you perseverance, which produces character and through character comes hope. Romans 5:3-4

*It should be noted that I wrote this yesterday and today has been the most incredible, smooth and perfect day I've ever experienced as a mom. Real funny, God, reeeeeeeal funny.

31

In my 30s. It’s strange to think that in a little over a week that will be me. Turning 30 was a breeze, but 31 feels like instead of lifting my foot onto the next step stone of life, I’m being picked up and tossed onto a level infinitely higher than the previous one. It’s not scary or daunting, just…different. But with every year that comes I accept it which helps me to own it which allows me to love it. So in that light I have spent a bit of time happily realizing the changes that have occurred in my personality, judgment and all around attitude about life in the last decade. I can fondly remember back ten years ago to my 21st birthday. Now THAT was a fun night. Little too much fun as it ended with my good friend’s brand new Jetta getting coated inside and out with my vomit and me getting dropped off at my apartment before midnight for my roommate to come home to 3 hours later and find me half-naked in the hallway sleeping the various cocktails off. Good times.

I’ve changed quite a bit since then and as I look at how my tastes have changed, here are the standouts:

1. I love Sunset magazine.
It’s the only periodical that I subscribe too. Occasionally I’ll pick up an issue of In Style or People, but every time I do I realize that it’s the same ideas, same fashion tips, same makeup on the same hairstyle on the same girl who’s doing the same role in the same movie – it’s all surface. But Sunset caters to me; it has smart home decorating ideas, instructions for planting vegetable and flower gardens, great restaurant tips and perfect spots to go for a weekend getaway here in the northwest. It’s a glossy look at my life: eating, exploring the beautiful area we live in and making my house a home.
2. I like watching the news and drinking a cup of coffee in the morning.
Not having TV growing up wasn’t a bad thing because when we vacationed at my moms parents’ home in Manteca, California every summer it was cartoons all day for my siblings and I. I remember racing to get up earlier than Jenny and Kelley because that way I’d be in charge of the remote. That is until my parents and grandparents got up because then they took over the living room TV to watch the news. Blech. I could not understand how they could stomach something so incredibly boring. Fast forward 20 years and I love it. As far as the coffee goes, if you’re a parent it goes without saying. It’s not a trend or an accessory, it’s vital.
3. I’m not as picky about my music.
This is kind of true. About 7 years ago when tons of independent bands and labels started coming on the scene and hipsters started dictating what music was cool or not I remember feeling uncomfortable. I’ve always had a spot in my heart for unpretentious lyrics, funky grooves and singers that sing with the most overused word in music nowadays – soul. As more and more bands came on the scene it became too hard to keep up. How was I supposed to listen to every new artist and if I couldn’t, whose opinion could I trust? Scratch all that now. Pop radio still has a song that’ll catch my attention now and then, but in my heart I’m still a fan of the older stuff. Aretha, James Taylor or Stevie Wonder are my choices of Pandora stations. That type of music just hooks me. Same with country (which 10 years ago would have made me vomit in my platform pumps). I love country music with its twangy, heart-felt, repetitious ideas of down home, back woods, small town type of living & loving.
4. Speaking of tastes changing…
I now prefer mustard instead of mayo. Almonds and walnuts in desserts don’t bother me like they used to. Veggies that have squishy textures (couldn’t look at them 10 years ago) like squash, zucchini and avocado are now a staple in my diet. I guess you could say my palette has become a bit more mature, although if you ask me if a wine varietal has a smoky vs. fruity aftertaste my answer might as well come from my butt. No clue.
5. But the biggest change is…
My life isn’t mine anymore. It belongs to my husband and kids. I’m not stating that in an upset, woe-is-me, I’m nothing but a stay-at-home mom kind of way and I’m also not saying it in a defensive manner to validate my choice to be at home with my kids to my friends that have killer careers and the desire to work outside of their house. It’s just the plain, simple truth. I don’t spend afternoons in coffee shops browsing the internet, reading a book or listening to music. I don’t put on adorable heels and sparkly mini-dresses for a weekly girls night out. I say “no” to a lot of music opportunities, get togethers with friends, trips with family and even activities with other kids involved because all of those things just don’t work with my life as it is now. I get to watch and hold two living, breathing pieces of my heart on a daily basis and I get to maintain a house that when my husband comes home, makes him feel a sense of ease and relaxation as soon as he sets foot into the door. It’s not all about me anymore, but it brings me joy.

So with all that said there are still things that remain a part of me from my 20s. I still get my club dance on and look ridiculous, but now I have an audience of two very wide-eyed, smiling kids watching me wondering why mom is acting crazy. My righteous temper that used to get me speeding tickets and middle finger salutes from other drivers still rears it’s ugly head, but the only person who can really bring it out of me is my man. And he knows to do that sparingly. I still like to think of myself as unique from my peers, even though Facebook & Pinterest have shown me that I’m actually very similar to them. We all like to drink wine, bake decadent desserts and only eat one piece, work out that post baby body to a skinnier version of our 20-something self, wear scarves regardless of the season, decorate our kids’ rooms, shabby chic the shiz out of our homes and fantasize about trips with our hubbies to Greece, Italy & Fiji.

I love the carefree joy that came with my 20s, but I am thoroughly enjoying the thoughtful ease that has taken over in these recent years. That girl recovering from her first hangover on January 20, 2002 is still here, she just knows now not to mix her alcohols.

Math is a liar

It's been awhile. That would be because when you have one child and you add another child to the mix it actually adds up to more than two total children. It's more like seven. You're feeding one and then dressing the other and then changing the one's diaper and then soothing the next and then getting the one a treat while burping the other and then picking out clothes for the first while balancing the other on your hip as you pick up the toys of the one as your pull the dangerous object (fork, laundry detergent, toilet plunger) out of the crusty grip of the other - all the while keeping the laundry from resembling an actual mountain (that elder baby would like to either a. climb or b. pick apart and scatter throughout the house), the dishes from acquiring permanent levels of crust from sitting in the sink, the floor from becoming a minefield for breaking your back with wheeled toys and actual banana peels and accomplishing the basics of brushing your teeth (before 3 p.m.), getting dressed in something other than sweats and keeping your frig and pantry stocked with something other than canned beans and ketchup (which, actually, you can combine and it's a slightly less sweet version of baked beans).

Oh, and by the by, you're to do all of this on an average of 3 hours of sleep.

But guess how amazingly wonderful it is? I can't even put into words how much love I have for my beautiful babies, my hard working husband or this crazy exhausting life that we have going on right now. When you realize how blessed you are, it makes 2 a.m. feedings followed by the occasional 4 a.m. feeding, spit up stains on your favorite shirt, jeans that pinch your stomach so hard and still don't look quite right but you wear them anyway because you threw out all your maternity clothes, baby poop on the changing table cover you just washed, picking toilet paper off of the unspooled roll on the ground, under eye circles that defy even the thickest makeup, hours and sometimes days of saying sentences that rhyme, stomach "muscles" that look like an inverted backbone and toys with sing-song voices that make the munchkins from "Wizard of Oz" sound like a black gospel choir completely tolerable, even nice. Even precious...except for those d&*# toys that I literally want to throw into a freaking canyon. Although that wouldn't work cause then the sounds would just echo off the walls making the world come to an end. :)

If I had a factory...

There's nothing more obnoxious then falling in love with a product, whether that's a beverage or food item, a cosmetic treat or a TV program and then all of the sudden not being able to find it anymore. I have a particular knack for sending products that I fancy into a pit of non existence. Which makes me wonder, do I have really bad taste? Or is it just the nature of this earth to "no longer produce" products that Megan likes so much?

Here's my current list of items that I really wish were still around:

1. Mary Kay lip gloss: Rewind to 1986, my mom used to get this lip gloss from Mary Kay: light pink tube with a gold lid, small fuzzy brush applicator and the most incredible smell. They say that our memories can be triggered more by an aroma then anything else, and I totally believe it. That's how I'd know if this lip gloss ever came back into production and was available to me again. It smells exactly like the Strawberry Shortcake doll I used to have as a little kid: pink and fruity with a hint of plastic.

2. Tab energy drink: When I was living on my own in my early 20's I was working 2 jobs, dating lots o' boys, going to school full-time, going out on weekends (and the occasional weeknight) and fully enjoying life aka not getting as much sleep as a growing girl needs. That's why this delightfully fruity, carbonated, pink beverage came in so handy. It was milder then Red Bull and gave me enough of a buzz to get where I needed to go and do what I needed to do. Plus, it was in a super cute, skinny pink can. I knew it was doomed though when it started to show up only on the shelves of Food 4 Less at 50% off.

3. Great Steak and Potato Company: The food court at the mall rarely holds culinary treasures, but the Great Steak & Potato Co. was my exception to that rule. They made this chicken teriyaki sandwich that absolutely rocked. Accompanied with their delicious fries and an iced tea, it was the perfect fuel for a shopping spree. So imagine my shock when I was heading up to their counter this last December, wallet in hand, looking down at my phone as I was texting the friend I was meeting and walked, literally, into a wall. Shocked and slightly embarrassed I glanced up and sure enough, no more counter, no more sign, just a plastered wall stating that this space was now available for rent. Major, major boo.

4. Trailer blurb in E! News weekend wrap-up blog: This actually reveals a bit too much about my obsession with pop culture, but whatevs. E! News is an app I have on my phone and every Saturday they post an article called "Weekend Wrap-up" and it contains a bunch of different blurbs about the major stories of the week, summaries of shows, etc. My favorite blurb was super short, it just mentioned all the new movie trailers that had come out that week and whether or not they did their movies justice. You all know that previews are one of the best things about going to the movies, so I'd always go from this blurb to YouTube and check out the new snippets. Only bummer is that now, for whatever reason, they no longer put that information in the article. Lame.

5. Jennifer Love Hewitt spin off: I'm not a Jennifer Love Hewitt fan, and I never watched "Party of Five", but for whatever reason I got caught up in her spin-off show from PO5: "Time of Your Life". It had a great story line, her blank head tilt stare thing she does in every movie ever didn't bug me and Jonathan Schaech was yummy. Of course it got cancelled before even finishing the first season.

6. Chocolate lasagna from Olive Garden: One of my favorite flavors is amaretto and Olive Garden used to have this dessert that was layer upon layer of moist chocolate cake alternating with creamy amaretto frosting and then topped with a thicker layer of frosting and chocolate chunks. In a word: divine. In three words: no longer available.

So today at the mall when the adorable MAC sales guy came up and asked what he could help with and I handed him my almost empty container of my favorite shade of lipglass and he said, "Oooooh, let me check and make sure we have this because I know they're getting ready to stop production of this color" (*sigh*), I didn't fuss or throw a temper tantrum, I just bought every single one they had in stock.

A hot chocolate of a day

One of my favorite things in this world is hot chocolate. It’s warm, rich, decadent - delicious. And arguably the best part about drinking hot chocolate is the dollop of cool whipped cream that seeps into the top layer of the drink and cools it just enough to make it palatable. Plus, those first several sips are just a little bit richer, creamier and sweeter, and I love the juxtaposition of temperatures. Today, my day was like this very combo. It started off burn-your-mouth hot, but was capped with a spoonful of cool, calm sweetness that made the whole thing a perfect balance.

First off, this morning started with a monumental meltdown, and while I should be referring to Israel, it's actually both thumbs pointed at this gal. Last night a door-to-door salesman stopped by to showcase this Kirby cleaning system and since we were on our way out the door, I said no, but yes to him coming over this morning at 11:00 to give his schpeal. After shutting the door, Ryan poked his head out of the bedroom and gave a curt and firm speech on how I was not going to buy anything that the man was offering and not only that, I wasn't even allowed to be home when he came by because I wouldn't be able to say no (Which, by the way, whatever! I have some sales resistance…not a lot, but some). So, this morning, as the 11:00 hour was approaching, I was trying to take off so Izzy and I could run some errands. It was getting near his nap time, so he was fussy, and after I had loaded up his lunch, diapers, an extra set of clothes, wipes, my water bottle, phone and chapstick, we just had one more thing to find - his binky.

Now, I know that currently in my house there are at least 18 binkies. However, this particular morning, none, and I repeat, NONE were making themselves known. Holding Izzy on my hip and my very heavy and full diaper bag over my shoulder I looked around the kitchen...none, the living room...nope, our bedroom (where he had 1 in his mouth that morning)...nope, our bathroom (where he had 1 maybe 10 minutes earlier)...gone - with my arm around him falling asleep and my other arm getting the circulation cut off by my 83 pound diaper bag, I decided to try the car. None. Zero, zip, zilch, not one freaking bink in the entire car. I had put Israel in his car seat, which he immediately detested because he's tired and BINK-LESS, and rifled through (aka threw out everything inside) the console and side pockets. Izzy's crying had now reached screaming volume, my forehead was sweating and I'm pretty sure my if my mom heard the words coming out of my mouth, I'd have to wash it out with soap. Slamming the doors shut, I give one final attempt in the house and ran upstairs to Israel's crib where I knew, I KNEW, there was a binkie shoved in the far side. The far side, which being almost 6 months pregnant is virtually impossible to reach because the bars are too high and the crib is too wide, but my anger and energy allowed me to have super-human reach and I snagged the stupid orange and clear plastic device, raced back downstairs to the car and popped the bink in Israel's mouth. As I pulled out of the driveway, I felt slightly ashamed. I had completely lost control of my temper in front of my toddler and I think it scared him. As the day progressed, the intensity of the morning faded, but I still felt just...stressed.

And then tonight happened. Once a month I get together for dinner with two of my friends who live in the Medford area. Tonight it was dinner at Bambu, so when Israel woke up from his second nap, I had about 15 minutes to kill before I needed to leave in order to make it on time, but rather than dawdle, I left, drove the speed limit, turned on my music, cracked my windows and chilled. Dinner was delicious, conversation was authentic and precious, and then on my drive home, it all clicked. I had picked up a hot chocolate (See that? Full circle!) from a coffee stand, the sun had set but it wasn't dark yet, so outside had that magic hour light, the windows were down so there was breeze blowing my hair around, and the perfect, perfect song came on: John Mayer's "Heartbreak Warfare". There's something about the opening bars of that song, it's the exact soundtrack a stream of oncoming headlights needs.

In that moment, I realized how long it had been since I'd had such a "moment". I've always loved to drive, and in my 20's I did a lot of it. Living in Medford, working in Ashland, going to church at Applegate and having family in Grants Pass, I was driving around a lot, having hours of time spent exactly like this, with your mind wandering and just living in this moment of sensory delight. Smell, taste, touch, sound and sight. It's so simple, but being a mom and a wife and having my life become a whirlwind of pleasing others, it's hard to pull back and give yourself a minute. Needless to say, the rest of my drive home was just dreamy, and it made me realize how simple and easy it is for me to get my mind settled. All it takes is a little music and a drive. Do I love thinking about my husband and taking care of my baby - absolutely. But I love me too, and in order to prevent future meltdowns (Completely? Never.) or appease them after they occur, it'll be nice to take half an hour, cruise around and think about absolutely nothing. Ryan and Izzy can come along next time if they want...as long as they're completely quiet :)

I have no room to complain

Watching "Good Morning, America" this morning, my eye kept getting drawn to the ticker running alongside the bottom of the screen because it was something about a 4 year old boy, but I kept missing the first part. I knew it probably wasn't something good, but something in my stomach forced me to keep watching in order to get the whole sentence. When I finally read it, I really wished I hadn't: "Body found in central California canal belongs to 4 year old boy kidnapped from his home". It was something along those lines and my eyes immediately started to well up with tears. The thing that made me saddest though, was that this sentence was strung along with dozens of other headlines streaming across TV's all over the nation like a passing thought or a whispered piece of gossip. It's like the message was "this isn't that important, but thought you all should know". But for that family? My gosh, I can not even begin to imagine the pain and horrific sorrow that is ripping them apart right now. Being a mom has made my heart much more fragile, and I hate that news like this is a normal part of the everyday in this broken world. And of all things in life that make me question the heart of our Saviour, it's stories like this. Someone so innocent who did not deserve what came their way, but I guess that perfectly describes Jesus, doesn't it?

All that to say, that while this story shook me up a bit this morning, my attention span with Israel was renewed today. I rocked him to sleep for both his early nap and his bedtime tonight. Rather then sitting in front of the TV while nursing, I took the time to feed him while sitting in my rocker and watch him. Instead of checking Facebook or playing a game on my phone while he goofs around on his toys in the living room, I challenged him to a crawling contest and then tried to teach him a more modern version of pattycake. My friend Amber wrote something once that I really, really liked. She talked about investing in her kids, taking those little moments to pour into them, not just try and survive the day to day in this thing called motherhood. I think that's SO important because it's what makes anything you do enjoyable. The more you put into it, the more you get out of it, and today, despite the sadness of this morning and the heartache I feel for that family, in a weird way the snippet inspired me to make the most of my day with my son. I don't want to complain about the cuteness that is my sweet little bundle of smiles because truly I'm blessed.

The fall

I saw it happening, but my mind wouldn't register the reality of the situation. I was reaching through the side door on the drivers side to get my purse that was wedged in between the front passenger seat and the seat holding Israel's car seat base, and I happened to glance up and catch what looked like a doll rushing past the open door space where Ryan was getting Israel and his car seat out. It was strange cause the doll was wearing the same orange colored romper that Israel was wearing and it had really similar hair. I didn't hear a thud, but I did hear my husband swear and say, "Oh my god, I dropped him. He wasn't strapped in, oh my god, I dropped him!"

We had come to Fred Meyer to pick up a few groceries. Had I left the house a moment earlier, Ryan wouldn't have been with us, but he happened to pull into the driveway just as I was backing out, so he parked his car and hopped in for the quick trip. When we got parked we spoke really quick about pulling Izzy out of his car seat and placing him in the shopping cart, so Ryan opened up the door behind the passenger seat and unstrapped Izzy to pull him out. He then mentioned it'd probably be better to have him in the stroller, so rather than pull Izzy out, he unhooked the entire car seat in order to place it in the stroller. Whether it was the momentum of him heaving up the seat, or Izzy leaning forward or a combination of both, Israel toppled from his the seat, and fell fast, smacking the concrete and landing flat on his back and head.

We rushed to the hospital, I was driving and Ryan was holding a screaming, crying Israel in the back seat. As scared as I was, Ryan was much more so, and I found myself repeating to him "Calm down, it's going to be ok, keep him awake" as Ryan continued to say Israel's name and hug him with tears streaming down his own cheeks. We pulled into the ER parking lot, Ryan hopped out with the baby and I quickly parked and ran inside. We were in to be examined within 2 minutes. The gal asked us a few questions, checked out the knot on the back of Israel's head that was rapidly growing to be the size of an adult index finger, and then sent us back to the waiting room.

That was the scariest part because as we were waiting, Israel began throwing up. And throwing up, and throwing up, and throwing up. It couldn't be stopped, I was completely covered in vomit, and the poor baby lost in a sea of confusion and pain couldn't help but cry that much harder. We were summoned pretty quickly back into the ER where we were treated by a really kind doctor that said we were going to get a CT scan just to be sure there was no internal bleeding. I have to praise the staff at Three Rivers because within 90 minutes of the accident we were in an ER room, with a CT scan completed and our pediatrician had come by to take a look at Israel.

Izzy kept fading in and out of sleep, but when he was awake he just wasn't himself. His cry was different, it sounded almost disconnected, like it was out of reflex rather than reason. He couldn't keep his eyes focused on anyone, and if he did, there was zero recognition in his face.

His CT scan results came back with zero harm done to his brain but a slight skull fracture. The good thing about the fracture was that it could easily heal itself. Our pediatrician recommended to feed him for a minute and see if he was able to keep it down. He wasn't. Ryan ended up covered in baby puke as well, so we decided to stay overnight.

The turn in his demeanor happened around 6:30. The nurses attempted to give him an IV, but his teeny veins wouldn't allow it. Not that they gave up easily. After a day of hearing him scream in pain, you'd think I was jaded to it, but he did not like them tightening that band around his forearm and thigh. It's almost like that moment of trauma woke him up though cause afterwards he was alert and aware of who Ryan and I were. He was making great eye contact and even laughing occasionally. I was so happy that I wanted to pass up staying the night, but Ryan still thought it'd be a good idea so we were shuttled up to our room (which was awesome), shown how to use the bed and crib (which could have slept Ryan comfortably) and left with our family.

Izzy nursed great about 10 minutes after we got to our room, and he didn't gag or show signs of nausea whatsoever. He fell asleep soon afterward and slept for a few hours, then woke up, fed again and this time slept 'til 5:30 this morning.

A couple posts back I wrote about how much I've prayed in 2 Timothy 1:7: "The Lord has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind". Our Lord is an incredible God that answers prayer because throughout this entire situation if there is one emotion I didn't feel it was fear, and if there was one overwhelming emotion it was that of a sound mind.

I will never be able to express how much the prayers and words of encouragement sent our direction meant. I absolutely believe that the reason Izzy doesn't have any permanent damage is because of the onslaught of prayer that covered our family in the hours following his accident. Ryan and I were talking about how it happened and angels must have cushioned his head because he fell a long way and he fell hard. But the way that he has come of of this situation is miraculous and we will be forever grateful to our wonderful friends and family and mostly to our King.

Ahhh...accomplishment.

Recently, there have been several occasions that I've wanted to be able to freeze and live in for more than the mere moment of their occurrence (wow, it took me 5 tries to spell occurrence correctly). One of them was last evening: I had fed Israel and he was propped up contentedly in his boppy gurgling and looking at the sun shining through the window. Ryan had just gotten out of the shower and was leaning over the bathroom counter in his towel and without sounding too much like a Danielle Steele novel, let me just say that his upper body is tan and slammin'! I was sitting in my rocking chair rubbing my freshly pedicured feet with this amazing lotion that regardless of how many days I've worn flip-flops in a row, makes them feel like a baby's bottom (which in and of itself is a very familiar surface lately). The breeze from the fan was hitting my shins, my hair was pulled up and off my neck, I could hear the dishwasher kicking on it's rinse cycle downstairs, I could smell the slightly minty scent of the lotion I was using - it was all just perfect.

That's a snapshot of real life accomplishment. At least for me. I never have been a super excel, high achieving, goal-oriented gal. B's were fine for me in school, work was always an end to the means, and TRULY the fact that I have a talent with my voice but am not singing to sold out arenas across the world is completely fine. But the feeling from last night, ahhh...I could breathe that in every minute of every day.