Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Let it be
Capturing moments seems to be all the rage nowadays and while I'm all for snapping photos of my kids and blogging (um, hello!), I'm starting to exercise restraint with my social posts. In this day and age of Twitter, Instagram, Faceboook, Spotify and countless other forms of publishing EXACTLY who we are and what we're doing - I think we're missing out on just being.
A massive spring hailstorm hit in the late morning a month or so ago. I was in Israel's room watching the kiddos go nuts with their toys and then screech to a halt as huge hailstones began to pummel the rooftop. Upon opening the window and breathing in this huge gust of cool, green air I went to reach for my phone to take a picture and post it. Since it was on my son's dresser I couldn't quite reach it and as I leaned to try, Izzy looking at the torrent of ice said, "Mommy, WOW!!" I froze and realized in that split second that I could choose to either look at what would probably be a priceless expression on my son's face or continue to reach up for my phone - I could document this moment or live it. I left my phone where it was and sat in front of the window for the next 5 minutes holding my baby girl on the right and little boy on my left and let them "oooh" and "aaah" at the amazing sights and sounds happening a few feet from our perch.
Had I spent even 30 seconds opening my Instagram app, taking that picture, titling it, posting it and checking to make sure it uploaded - that would have been 30 seconds too long. I'm always going to be able to post pictures, log the song that I'm listening to, blog (babes are napping right now) and update my status, I just want to be oh so careful that I'm not overdoing it and missing out on a moment that's truly spectacular.
In this last week alone there have been two different occasions that I remember drinking in and thinking how blessed my life is.
One was dancing with Charlie in the shallow end of our swimming pool on a hot afternoon this last weekend. Phil Collins was singing "All of my life" (his Pandora station, by the way, completely rules), I could smell my little girl's sunscreen off the top of her head, the perfectly cool water slapping against my waist as I slowly circled, nothing in my eye line but pearly baby skin and blue water - it was so subtle and sweet.
Later on, we were driving back to GP from dinner in Jacksonville and I actually had a moment where I wanted to grab my phone and tweet because what I was looking at was so beautiful...but I wanted to relish the moment so I had Ry tweet for me instead. :) The outline of the mountains pushed against this incredible pale peach color and gazing above that it swept into a huge pale blue, almost white expanse of open sky. We had the windows down so the warm evening air was swirling my hair all around my face and the smell of hay and green grass floated through our car like a symphony. It was magic.
In those moments, okay, maybe just the first one really, the wise part of me held back my knee-jerk reaction (sorry you missed the skyline, babe) to barf out those details into cyberspace. They were perfectly wonderful just as they were - shared with those experiencing them first-hand.
This life is flying by. Kids that I used to babysit are graduating high school, my own children seem to be learning new words and motions on a daily basis, trips and celebrations that sprinkle my calendar are coming and going at an incredible rate. So here's my challenge to myself: be here. Live a life that is actually lived, rather then chasing after moments that are gone by the time they're captured in a clever quote or fuzzy picture. Enjoy this. Cheers to breathing deep and embracing today.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Hiya!! (the karate chop, not the cheerful greeting)
After having kids, there's no such thing as a perfectly smooth, easy day*. All days are challenging and every once in awhile a doozy comes along. Today is my doozy and here's the crappiest thing: it's only 10:15 am.
One of my resolutions in January was to get up earlier so I could enjoy some quiet time alone and start off the day with a workout, devotions and a shower. When that doesn't happen Ryan ends up coming home to someone that resembles his wife but has an eye twitch and a mouth like a trucker. So this morning when I got back from the gym I really wanted to take a shower and get ready. In that order. All at once. Without interruption. Israel was awake when I got home and was happily hanging on our bed watching "Bolt", and I got done with the shower before Charlie woke up but then would get about two strands through my hair straightener before she was screaming for attention (she's sick - more on that in a minute). I decided to put off finishing my hair and makeup until she went down for a nap and thought I was okay with waiting...until I went downstairs to make breakfast, found that ants had invaded our pantry and went Bruce Lee on their asses with a microwave popcorn bag. Seriously, I smashed them so hard I'm pretty sure their little skeletons are imprinted on the cabinet walls. Maybe I'm not as ok giving up "my time" as I thought.
I don't get to this point very often (although the dent that my husband patched in the kitchen wall where I threw a water bottle two months ago would say otherwise), so when I do freak out I know I need to take a step back and get really...real. Figure out what issues were building up as kindling, what catalyst sparked the fire tantrum and how I'm gonna douse this mo fo. For this one the kindling issues are pretty easy - Charlie is still recovering from a nasty cold and is neeee-dy, Daylight Savings Time was real helpful as far as changing both kids' bed and wake times (middle finger salute to the troll who implemented that and the geniuses that still find it necessary) and I'm coming off a month of being somewhat out of commission cause I jacked up my neck and kept re-injuring it tending to my babes. Because of said neck injury I haven't been able to sleep well or work out - today was my first gym class in about 5 weeks, so I really wanted to go, get done and get going on my day. So there's the kindling, listed and accounted for.
The catalyst could be the second heytell my mother sent me. The first was at 8:00 saying that she wanted to come by and see the babies before she had to go into work at 10:30. The second came at 9:45 saying she had gotten "lost" in her devotions and journal that morning and wouldn't be over until after 10. My jealousy started causing my neck veins to spasm - you were able to get so into your reading time without distraction that you lost track of time completely. (Quick note: need to point out that the luxury of time seems to be ignored by a lot of teens and 20 somethings. When I see or hear a girl complain about how they want to be married or have kids I just want to say "shut uuuuuuuuup!" I want to say it like that too, where the "uuuuuuuup"is long and held out and I want to be holding their shoulders and shaking them or smacking them in the face because they're not enjoying and taking full advantage of the freedom that comes with being single and kid-free. If you really want to experience life with kids, try this exercise: take two stopwatches and set stopwatch A for 38 minutes and stopwatch B for 22 seconds. Start stopwatch A and sit on your hands in a corner facing the wall. When stopwatch A stops, start stopwatch B and get up and do what you need to do. Gotta be fast cause 22 seconds goes by real quick. As soon as that stops, go back to the corner and re-start Stopwatch A. Repeat this for the entirity of your day.) Back to the catalyst - maybe it was my hubby and his 25 minute session spent in the bathroom "reading". What is that. It happens every day and I know that he can't be going poo for that duration because he would be completely dehydrated and probably very ill. More than likely though, the true catalyst was Charlie's crying. That girl is determined. And when she's not feeling good she wants you to be holding her and she will let you know that.
Now onto how to curb this one. Not-so-shocking truth, I'm already over it. At this point it's now close to 5:00 in the afternoon and my husband is home entertaining the kids while I'm sitting on a comfy chair editing this. Parenting can be suffocatingly difficult, but it's the trials that make it rich. Just like anything worthy of great love, it can't come easy and I don't want it any other way because just as I'm blessed to shape those little lives, they're shaping mine in return.
Suffering is working in you perseverance, which produces character and through character comes hope. Romans 5:3-4
*It should be noted that I wrote this yesterday and today has been the most incredible, smooth and perfect day I've ever experienced as a mom. Real funny, God, reeeeeeeal funny.
One of my resolutions in January was to get up earlier so I could enjoy some quiet time alone and start off the day with a workout, devotions and a shower. When that doesn't happen Ryan ends up coming home to someone that resembles his wife but has an eye twitch and a mouth like a trucker. So this morning when I got back from the gym I really wanted to take a shower and get ready. In that order. All at once. Without interruption. Israel was awake when I got home and was happily hanging on our bed watching "Bolt", and I got done with the shower before Charlie woke up but then would get about two strands through my hair straightener before she was screaming for attention (she's sick - more on that in a minute). I decided to put off finishing my hair and makeup until she went down for a nap and thought I was okay with waiting...until I went downstairs to make breakfast, found that ants had invaded our pantry and went Bruce Lee on their asses with a microwave popcorn bag. Seriously, I smashed them so hard I'm pretty sure their little skeletons are imprinted on the cabinet walls. Maybe I'm not as ok giving up "my time" as I thought.
I don't get to this point very often (although the dent that my husband patched in the kitchen wall where I threw a water bottle two months ago would say otherwise), so when I do freak out I know I need to take a step back and get really...real. Figure out what issues were building up as kindling, what catalyst sparked the fire tantrum and how I'm gonna douse this mo fo. For this one the kindling issues are pretty easy - Charlie is still recovering from a nasty cold and is neeee-dy, Daylight Savings Time was real helpful as far as changing both kids' bed and wake times (middle finger salute to the troll who implemented that and the geniuses that still find it necessary) and I'm coming off a month of being somewhat out of commission cause I jacked up my neck and kept re-injuring it tending to my babes. Because of said neck injury I haven't been able to sleep well or work out - today was my first gym class in about 5 weeks, so I really wanted to go, get done and get going on my day. So there's the kindling, listed and accounted for.
The catalyst could be the second heytell my mother sent me. The first was at 8:00 saying that she wanted to come by and see the babies before she had to go into work at 10:30. The second came at 9:45 saying she had gotten "lost" in her devotions and journal that morning and wouldn't be over until after 10. My jealousy started causing my neck veins to spasm - you were able to get so into your reading time without distraction that you lost track of time completely. (Quick note: need to point out that the luxury of time seems to be ignored by a lot of teens and 20 somethings. When I see or hear a girl complain about how they want to be married or have kids I just want to say "shut uuuuuuuuup!" I want to say it like that too, where the "uuuuuuuup"is long and held out and I want to be holding their shoulders and shaking them or smacking them in the face because they're not enjoying and taking full advantage of the freedom that comes with being single and kid-free. If you really want to experience life with kids, try this exercise: take two stopwatches and set stopwatch A for 38 minutes and stopwatch B for 22 seconds. Start stopwatch A and sit on your hands in a corner facing the wall. When stopwatch A stops, start stopwatch B and get up and do what you need to do. Gotta be fast cause 22 seconds goes by real quick. As soon as that stops, go back to the corner and re-start Stopwatch A. Repeat this for the entirity of your day.) Back to the catalyst - maybe it was my hubby and his 25 minute session spent in the bathroom "reading". What is that. It happens every day and I know that he can't be going poo for that duration because he would be completely dehydrated and probably very ill. More than likely though, the true catalyst was Charlie's crying. That girl is determined. And when she's not feeling good she wants you to be holding her and she will let you know that.
Now onto how to curb this one. Not-so-shocking truth, I'm already over it. At this point it's now close to 5:00 in the afternoon and my husband is home entertaining the kids while I'm sitting on a comfy chair editing this. Parenting can be suffocatingly difficult, but it's the trials that make it rich. Just like anything worthy of great love, it can't come easy and I don't want it any other way because just as I'm blessed to shape those little lives, they're shaping mine in return.
Suffering is working in you perseverance, which produces character and through character comes hope. Romans 5:3-4
*It should be noted that I wrote this yesterday and today has been the most incredible, smooth and perfect day I've ever experienced as a mom. Real funny, God, reeeeeeeal funny.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
31
In my 30s. It’s strange to think that in a little over a week that will be me. Turning 30 was a breeze, but 31 feels like instead of lifting my foot onto the next step stone of life, I’m being picked up and tossed onto a level infinitely higher than the previous one. It’s not scary or daunting, just…different. But with every year that comes I accept it which helps me to own it which allows me to love it. So in that light I have spent a bit of time happily realizing the changes that have occurred in my personality, judgment and all around attitude about life in the last decade. I can fondly remember back ten years ago to my 21st birthday. Now THAT was a fun night. Little too much fun as it ended with my good friend’s brand new Jetta getting coated inside and out with my vomit and me getting dropped off at my apartment before midnight for my roommate to come home to 3 hours later and find me half-naked in the hallway sleeping the various cocktails off. Good times.
I’ve changed quite a bit since then and as I look at how my tastes have changed, here are the standouts:
1. I love Sunset magazine.
It’s the only periodical that I subscribe too. Occasionally I’ll pick up an issue of In Style or People, but every time I do I realize that it’s the same ideas, same fashion tips, same makeup on the same hairstyle on the same girl who’s doing the same role in the same movie – it’s all surface. But Sunset caters to me; it has smart home decorating ideas, instructions for planting vegetable and flower gardens, great restaurant tips and perfect spots to go for a weekend getaway here in the northwest. It’s a glossy look at my life: eating, exploring the beautiful area we live in and making my house a home.
2. I like watching the news and drinking a cup of coffee in the morning.
Not having TV growing up wasn’t a bad thing because when we vacationed at my moms parents’ home in Manteca, California every summer it was cartoons all day for my siblings and I. I remember racing to get up earlier than Jenny and Kelley because that way I’d be in charge of the remote. That is until my parents and grandparents got up because then they took over the living room TV to watch the news. Blech. I could not understand how they could stomach something so incredibly boring. Fast forward 20 years and I love it. As far as the coffee goes, if you’re a parent it goes without saying. It’s not a trend or an accessory, it’s vital.
3. I’m not as picky about my music.
This is kind of true. About 7 years ago when tons of independent bands and labels started coming on the scene and hipsters started dictating what music was cool or not I remember feeling uncomfortable. I’ve always had a spot in my heart for unpretentious lyrics, funky grooves and singers that sing with the most overused word in music nowadays – soul. As more and more bands came on the scene it became too hard to keep up. How was I supposed to listen to every new artist and if I couldn’t, whose opinion could I trust? Scratch all that now. Pop radio still has a song that’ll catch my attention now and then, but in my heart I’m still a fan of the older stuff. Aretha, James Taylor or Stevie Wonder are my choices of Pandora stations. That type of music just hooks me. Same with country (which 10 years ago would have made me vomit in my platform pumps). I love country music with its twangy, heart-felt, repetitious ideas of down home, back woods, small town type of living & loving.
4. Speaking of tastes changing…
I now prefer mustard instead of mayo. Almonds and walnuts in desserts don’t bother me like they used to. Veggies that have squishy textures (couldn’t look at them 10 years ago) like squash, zucchini and avocado are now a staple in my diet. I guess you could say my palette has become a bit more mature, although if you ask me if a wine varietal has a smoky vs. fruity aftertaste my answer might as well come from my butt. No clue.
5. But the biggest change is…
My life isn’t mine anymore. It belongs to my husband and kids. I’m not stating that in an upset, woe-is-me, I’m nothing but a stay-at-home mom kind of way and I’m also not saying it in a defensive manner to validate my choice to be at home with my kids to my friends that have killer careers and the desire to work outside of their house. It’s just the plain, simple truth. I don’t spend afternoons in coffee shops browsing the internet, reading a book or listening to music. I don’t put on adorable heels and sparkly mini-dresses for a weekly girls night out. I say “no” to a lot of music opportunities, get togethers with friends, trips with family and even activities with other kids involved because all of those things just don’t work with my life as it is now. I get to watch and hold two living, breathing pieces of my heart on a daily basis and I get to maintain a house that when my husband comes home, makes him feel a sense of ease and relaxation as soon as he sets foot into the door. It’s not all about me anymore, but it brings me joy.
So with all that said there are still things that remain a part of me from my 20s. I still get my club dance on and look ridiculous, but now I have an audience of two very wide-eyed, smiling kids watching me wondering why mom is acting crazy. My righteous temper that used to get me speeding tickets and middle finger salutes from other drivers still rears it’s ugly head, but the only person who can really bring it out of me is my man. And he knows to do that sparingly. I still like to think of myself as unique from my peers, even though Facebook & Pinterest have shown me that I’m actually very similar to them. We all like to drink wine, bake decadent desserts and only eat one piece, work out that post baby body to a skinnier version of our 20-something self, wear scarves regardless of the season, decorate our kids’ rooms, shabby chic the shiz out of our homes and fantasize about trips with our hubbies to Greece, Italy & Fiji.
I love the carefree joy that came with my 20s, but I am thoroughly enjoying the thoughtful ease that has taken over in these recent years. That girl recovering from her first hangover on January 20, 2002 is still here, she just knows now not to mix her alcohols.
I’ve changed quite a bit since then and as I look at how my tastes have changed, here are the standouts:
1. I love Sunset magazine.
It’s the only periodical that I subscribe too. Occasionally I’ll pick up an issue of In Style or People, but every time I do I realize that it’s the same ideas, same fashion tips, same makeup on the same hairstyle on the same girl who’s doing the same role in the same movie – it’s all surface. But Sunset caters to me; it has smart home decorating ideas, instructions for planting vegetable and flower gardens, great restaurant tips and perfect spots to go for a weekend getaway here in the northwest. It’s a glossy look at my life: eating, exploring the beautiful area we live in and making my house a home.
2. I like watching the news and drinking a cup of coffee in the morning.
Not having TV growing up wasn’t a bad thing because when we vacationed at my moms parents’ home in Manteca, California every summer it was cartoons all day for my siblings and I. I remember racing to get up earlier than Jenny and Kelley because that way I’d be in charge of the remote. That is until my parents and grandparents got up because then they took over the living room TV to watch the news. Blech. I could not understand how they could stomach something so incredibly boring. Fast forward 20 years and I love it. As far as the coffee goes, if you’re a parent it goes without saying. It’s not a trend or an accessory, it’s vital.
3. I’m not as picky about my music.
This is kind of true. About 7 years ago when tons of independent bands and labels started coming on the scene and hipsters started dictating what music was cool or not I remember feeling uncomfortable. I’ve always had a spot in my heart for unpretentious lyrics, funky grooves and singers that sing with the most overused word in music nowadays – soul. As more and more bands came on the scene it became too hard to keep up. How was I supposed to listen to every new artist and if I couldn’t, whose opinion could I trust? Scratch all that now. Pop radio still has a song that’ll catch my attention now and then, but in my heart I’m still a fan of the older stuff. Aretha, James Taylor or Stevie Wonder are my choices of Pandora stations. That type of music just hooks me. Same with country (which 10 years ago would have made me vomit in my platform pumps). I love country music with its twangy, heart-felt, repetitious ideas of down home, back woods, small town type of living & loving.
4. Speaking of tastes changing…
I now prefer mustard instead of mayo. Almonds and walnuts in desserts don’t bother me like they used to. Veggies that have squishy textures (couldn’t look at them 10 years ago) like squash, zucchini and avocado are now a staple in my diet. I guess you could say my palette has become a bit more mature, although if you ask me if a wine varietal has a smoky vs. fruity aftertaste my answer might as well come from my butt. No clue.
5. But the biggest change is…
My life isn’t mine anymore. It belongs to my husband and kids. I’m not stating that in an upset, woe-is-me, I’m nothing but a stay-at-home mom kind of way and I’m also not saying it in a defensive manner to validate my choice to be at home with my kids to my friends that have killer careers and the desire to work outside of their house. It’s just the plain, simple truth. I don’t spend afternoons in coffee shops browsing the internet, reading a book or listening to music. I don’t put on adorable heels and sparkly mini-dresses for a weekly girls night out. I say “no” to a lot of music opportunities, get togethers with friends, trips with family and even activities with other kids involved because all of those things just don’t work with my life as it is now. I get to watch and hold two living, breathing pieces of my heart on a daily basis and I get to maintain a house that when my husband comes home, makes him feel a sense of ease and relaxation as soon as he sets foot into the door. It’s not all about me anymore, but it brings me joy.
So with all that said there are still things that remain a part of me from my 20s. I still get my club dance on and look ridiculous, but now I have an audience of two very wide-eyed, smiling kids watching me wondering why mom is acting crazy. My righteous temper that used to get me speeding tickets and middle finger salutes from other drivers still rears it’s ugly head, but the only person who can really bring it out of me is my man. And he knows to do that sparingly. I still like to think of myself as unique from my peers, even though Facebook & Pinterest have shown me that I’m actually very similar to them. We all like to drink wine, bake decadent desserts and only eat one piece, work out that post baby body to a skinnier version of our 20-something self, wear scarves regardless of the season, decorate our kids’ rooms, shabby chic the shiz out of our homes and fantasize about trips with our hubbies to Greece, Italy & Fiji.
I love the carefree joy that came with my 20s, but I am thoroughly enjoying the thoughtful ease that has taken over in these recent years. That girl recovering from her first hangover on January 20, 2002 is still here, she just knows now not to mix her alcohols.
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