Watching Lady Gaga get interviewed on Ellen yesterday got me thinking about some of the ideas she was saying. She's very much about knowing and fiercely loving who you are and while I think that is a good way to live, that train of thought is really getting pushed in this day and age and it's making relationships with friends and strangers alike...blurry. Know yourself - yes. Love yourself - for sure. But I think it's dangerous when you start defining yourself as one thing or another and passionately clinging to that idea.
We are becoming these walking resolute beings that are cemented in our views on various topics, both serious and not so much: Republican vs. Democrat, vegetarian vs. meat eater, Starbucks vs. Dutch Bros., etc.
Because we have defined our point of view on something and grown to "love" ourselves and our opinions, when someone now disagrees with your philosophy on a topic, they're more or less disagreeing with who you are. Think about it, if you disagree with someone on something, it's usually a pretty strong difference and can easily end up in a argument, sometimes a heated one, and almost always results in one or the other thinking less of the opposite person. I've noticed this more as a parent because now that my decisions are affecting a completely helpless infant whose life depends on the choices I make, ideas like to vaccinate or not, to give formula or not and to let him watch TV or not all carry a lot more weight. And truthfully, I've had a couple friendships dissipate because of strong disagreements on these topics and others.
I'm not suggesting that we become ambivalent on all issues, because passion & conviction give our lives movement. And I think we should capitalize on the "love" emphasized in our current culture, but I believe rather then loving ourselves, a better mantra would be to really love others. It's the second half of the greatest commandment the Bible gives: Love God & love others. I have a lot of friends that aren't Christians, and I'm not using this as a platform to preach what I believe to be the saving truth for my life, but I CAN make an easy argument for the bonus of loving others more than yourself. If you're really honest, it's easy to see something positive about either side of any topic. Try playing devil's advocate, or if you're often in that role, try not so much :) You might find yourself liking people more and not getting as annoyed with friends and family you usually disagree with. And nothing is more fulfilling then having someone notice a change in your demeanor and themselves then honestly listen to what it is you have to say about something. Kindness can be so powerful.
Romans 12:18 - If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
A hot chocolate of a day
One of my favorite things in this world is hot chocolate. It’s warm, rich, decadent - delicious. And arguably the best part about drinking hot chocolate is the dollop of cool whipped cream that seeps into the top layer of the drink and cools it just enough to make it palatable. Plus, those first several sips are just a little bit richer, creamier and sweeter, and I love the juxtaposition of temperatures. Today, my day was like this very combo. It started off burn-your-mouth hot, but was capped with a spoonful of cool, calm sweetness that made the whole thing a perfect balance.
First off, this morning started with a monumental meltdown, and while I should be referring to Israel, it's actually both thumbs pointed at this gal. Last night a door-to-door salesman stopped by to showcase this Kirby cleaning system and since we were on our way out the door, I said no, but yes to him coming over this morning at 11:00 to give his schpeal. After shutting the door, Ryan poked his head out of the bedroom and gave a curt and firm speech on how I was not going to buy anything that the man was offering and not only that, I wasn't even allowed to be home when he came by because I wouldn't be able to say no (Which, by the way, whatever! I have some sales resistance…not a lot, but some). So, this morning, as the 11:00 hour was approaching, I was trying to take off so Izzy and I could run some errands. It was getting near his nap time, so he was fussy, and after I had loaded up his lunch, diapers, an extra set of clothes, wipes, my water bottle, phone and chapstick, we just had one more thing to find - his binky.
Now, I know that currently in my house there are at least 18 binkies. However, this particular morning, none, and I repeat, NONE were making themselves known. Holding Izzy on my hip and my very heavy and full diaper bag over my shoulder I looked around the kitchen...none, the living room...nope, our bedroom (where he had 1 in his mouth that morning)...nope, our bathroom (where he had 1 maybe 10 minutes earlier)...gone - with my arm around him falling asleep and my other arm getting the circulation cut off by my 83 pound diaper bag, I decided to try the car. None. Zero, zip, zilch, not one freaking bink in the entire car. I had put Israel in his car seat, which he immediately detested because he's tired and BINK-LESS, and rifled through (aka threw out everything inside) the console and side pockets. Izzy's crying had now reached screaming volume, my forehead was sweating and I'm pretty sure my if my mom heard the words coming out of my mouth, I'd have to wash it out with soap. Slamming the doors shut, I give one final attempt in the house and ran upstairs to Israel's crib where I knew, I KNEW, there was a binkie shoved in the far side. The far side, which being almost 6 months pregnant is virtually impossible to reach because the bars are too high and the crib is too wide, but my anger and energy allowed me to have super-human reach and I snagged the stupid orange and clear plastic device, raced back downstairs to the car and popped the bink in Israel's mouth. As I pulled out of the driveway, I felt slightly ashamed. I had completely lost control of my temper in front of my toddler and I think it scared him. As the day progressed, the intensity of the morning faded, but I still felt just...stressed.
And then tonight happened. Once a month I get together for dinner with two of my friends who live in the Medford area. Tonight it was dinner at Bambu, so when Israel woke up from his second nap, I had about 15 minutes to kill before I needed to leave in order to make it on time, but rather than dawdle, I left, drove the speed limit, turned on my music, cracked my windows and chilled. Dinner was delicious, conversation was authentic and precious, and then on my drive home, it all clicked. I had picked up a hot chocolate (See that? Full circle!) from a coffee stand, the sun had set but it wasn't dark yet, so outside had that magic hour light, the windows were down so there was breeze blowing my hair around, and the perfect, perfect song came on: John Mayer's "Heartbreak Warfare". There's something about the opening bars of that song, it's the exact soundtrack a stream of oncoming headlights needs.
In that moment, I realized how long it had been since I'd had such a "moment". I've always loved to drive, and in my 20's I did a lot of it. Living in Medford, working in Ashland, going to church at Applegate and having family in Grants Pass, I was driving around a lot, having hours of time spent exactly like this, with your mind wandering and just living in this moment of sensory delight. Smell, taste, touch, sound and sight. It's so simple, but being a mom and a wife and having my life become a whirlwind of pleasing others, it's hard to pull back and give yourself a minute. Needless to say, the rest of my drive home was just dreamy, and it made me realize how simple and easy it is for me to get my mind settled. All it takes is a little music and a drive. Do I love thinking about my husband and taking care of my baby - absolutely. But I love me too, and in order to prevent future meltdowns (Completely? Never.) or appease them after they occur, it'll be nice to take half an hour, cruise around and think about absolutely nothing. Ryan and Izzy can come along next time if they want...as long as they're completely quiet :)
First off, this morning started with a monumental meltdown, and while I should be referring to Israel, it's actually both thumbs pointed at this gal. Last night a door-to-door salesman stopped by to showcase this Kirby cleaning system and since we were on our way out the door, I said no, but yes to him coming over this morning at 11:00 to give his schpeal. After shutting the door, Ryan poked his head out of the bedroom and gave a curt and firm speech on how I was not going to buy anything that the man was offering and not only that, I wasn't even allowed to be home when he came by because I wouldn't be able to say no (Which, by the way, whatever! I have some sales resistance…not a lot, but some). So, this morning, as the 11:00 hour was approaching, I was trying to take off so Izzy and I could run some errands. It was getting near his nap time, so he was fussy, and after I had loaded up his lunch, diapers, an extra set of clothes, wipes, my water bottle, phone and chapstick, we just had one more thing to find - his binky.
Now, I know that currently in my house there are at least 18 binkies. However, this particular morning, none, and I repeat, NONE were making themselves known. Holding Izzy on my hip and my very heavy and full diaper bag over my shoulder I looked around the kitchen...none, the living room...nope, our bedroom (where he had 1 in his mouth that morning)...nope, our bathroom (where he had 1 maybe 10 minutes earlier)...gone - with my arm around him falling asleep and my other arm getting the circulation cut off by my 83 pound diaper bag, I decided to try the car. None. Zero, zip, zilch, not one freaking bink in the entire car. I had put Israel in his car seat, which he immediately detested because he's tired and BINK-LESS, and rifled through (aka threw out everything inside) the console and side pockets. Izzy's crying had now reached screaming volume, my forehead was sweating and I'm pretty sure my if my mom heard the words coming out of my mouth, I'd have to wash it out with soap. Slamming the doors shut, I give one final attempt in the house and ran upstairs to Israel's crib where I knew, I KNEW, there was a binkie shoved in the far side. The far side, which being almost 6 months pregnant is virtually impossible to reach because the bars are too high and the crib is too wide, but my anger and energy allowed me to have super-human reach and I snagged the stupid orange and clear plastic device, raced back downstairs to the car and popped the bink in Israel's mouth. As I pulled out of the driveway, I felt slightly ashamed. I had completely lost control of my temper in front of my toddler and I think it scared him. As the day progressed, the intensity of the morning faded, but I still felt just...stressed.
And then tonight happened. Once a month I get together for dinner with two of my friends who live in the Medford area. Tonight it was dinner at Bambu, so when Israel woke up from his second nap, I had about 15 minutes to kill before I needed to leave in order to make it on time, but rather than dawdle, I left, drove the speed limit, turned on my music, cracked my windows and chilled. Dinner was delicious, conversation was authentic and precious, and then on my drive home, it all clicked. I had picked up a hot chocolate (See that? Full circle!) from a coffee stand, the sun had set but it wasn't dark yet, so outside had that magic hour light, the windows were down so there was breeze blowing my hair around, and the perfect, perfect song came on: John Mayer's "Heartbreak Warfare". There's something about the opening bars of that song, it's the exact soundtrack a stream of oncoming headlights needs.
In that moment, I realized how long it had been since I'd had such a "moment". I've always loved to drive, and in my 20's I did a lot of it. Living in Medford, working in Ashland, going to church at Applegate and having family in Grants Pass, I was driving around a lot, having hours of time spent exactly like this, with your mind wandering and just living in this moment of sensory delight. Smell, taste, touch, sound and sight. It's so simple, but being a mom and a wife and having my life become a whirlwind of pleasing others, it's hard to pull back and give yourself a minute. Needless to say, the rest of my drive home was just dreamy, and it made me realize how simple and easy it is for me to get my mind settled. All it takes is a little music and a drive. Do I love thinking about my husband and taking care of my baby - absolutely. But I love me too, and in order to prevent future meltdowns (Completely? Never.) or appease them after they occur, it'll be nice to take half an hour, cruise around and think about absolutely nothing. Ryan and Izzy can come along next time if they want...as long as they're completely quiet :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
