Israel's about 6 1/2 months at this point, and he's starting to do so many things independently. He can sit up on his own, he's eating some solid foods, if he could only run to the grocery store for me, I'd applaud these advances in his little person, but it's a funny mix of accomplishment and sadness that accompany each milestone. I'm one of those fearful moms that think sometimes he's not going to advance to the next stage. That I'm going to be THAT mom with the boy that's 6 years old and can't walk or talk. Ridiculous - yes, but again, this mom thing has proven to me that hormones are serrrrrrious. So, whenever Israel begins to show advancement in an area, I'm relieved, but at the same time, I know that with each day that passes, he's growing farther and farther from physically needing me. Yes, he'll need my emotional and spiritual guidance from here 'til forever, but there's something about his physical need for me that's very fulfilling. I know it's selfish of me, but the whole children thing is really pretty narcissistic in my opinion anyway.
Oh my...looking at my little nugget right now as he naps so contentedly on our bed...being a parent is the most incredible blessing. I look forward to the next 6 months bringing on the changes and challenges that will surely be conquered and learned from. It's hard to believe that it was only 6 months ago that I first held him and in another 6 months he'll probably be walking around on his own. Time does fly by, but it's the sweetest ride.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
2 Timothy 1:7
Tattoos bother me. They didn't use to, but I'm quickly growing adverse to trends that become the norm rather than the rarity. Regardless, if I could tattoo one saying on my body, it would absolutely be 2 Timothy 1:7.
Since becoming a mom, my irrational fears have easily quadrupled. I used to be afraid of normal things and with fairly understandable reasoning: hiking in the woods (one too many Reader's Digest grizzly bear stories), scary movies (someone somewhere thought up those story lines, so as bizarre and farfetched as they may be...someone's mind is still capable), the dark (who isn't?), spiders, snakes and all forms of bug life (that scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where Kate Capshaw had to reach in that slot to free Indy and all those horrible bugs were crawling all over her), the dentist (every time it hurts - every single time!), etc.
Now, my fears all center around something happening to Israel, Ryan or I, but the most crippling are the thoughts that something would happen to Izzy and me having to live with it: someone kidnapping him, someone breaking into our house and hurting him and me being held back and unable to help or protect him - while those two are somewhat serious, I do have some pretty ridiculous notions: a snake weaving it's way into Izzy's crib, someone poisoning my breast pads and the poison transferring onto my skin and then to Izzy when he eats, masked intruders holding the grocery store hostage and taking him away from me. Although all of these aren't feasible, it's hard to shake the thoughts.
When is the other shoe going to drop? When is it going to be my Job moment? What's going to happen to hurt this perfect baby that Ryan and I have been blessed with and going to cause the two of us to cling to the Lord like never before? Or is it just the worrying in and of itself that is going to cause me to eventually lose my mind?
That's where that verse comes in. I have to repeat it over and over and over. I need it written on every surface in my home. The Lord did NOT give me a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. A sound mind. A sound mind. A sound mind.
Since becoming a mom, my irrational fears have easily quadrupled. I used to be afraid of normal things and with fairly understandable reasoning: hiking in the woods (one too many Reader's Digest grizzly bear stories), scary movies (someone somewhere thought up those story lines, so as bizarre and farfetched as they may be...someone's mind is still capable), the dark (who isn't?), spiders, snakes and all forms of bug life (that scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where Kate Capshaw had to reach in that slot to free Indy and all those horrible bugs were crawling all over her), the dentist (every time it hurts - every single time!), etc.
Now, my fears all center around something happening to Israel, Ryan or I, but the most crippling are the thoughts that something would happen to Izzy and me having to live with it: someone kidnapping him, someone breaking into our house and hurting him and me being held back and unable to help or protect him - while those two are somewhat serious, I do have some pretty ridiculous notions: a snake weaving it's way into Izzy's crib, someone poisoning my breast pads and the poison transferring onto my skin and then to Izzy when he eats, masked intruders holding the grocery store hostage and taking him away from me. Although all of these aren't feasible, it's hard to shake the thoughts.
When is the other shoe going to drop? When is it going to be my Job moment? What's going to happen to hurt this perfect baby that Ryan and I have been blessed with and going to cause the two of us to cling to the Lord like never before? Or is it just the worrying in and of itself that is going to cause me to eventually lose my mind?
That's where that verse comes in. I have to repeat it over and over and over. I need it written on every surface in my home. The Lord did NOT give me a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. A sound mind. A sound mind. A sound mind.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Top o' the mornin!
There's something about summer mornings. The light blue sky is the perfect backdrop for the beautiful green trees, hills and mountains that surround the Rogue Valley. I swear you can smell the freshness of the Rogue River throughout our little town and since it's late July you can cruise with your windows down at 6:45 wearing a tank top and shorts and not be too cold. Mmmm, that perfectly temperate breeze that flows through the car...love it.
I've always been a sleep-in kind of gal. P.B. (pre-baby) I LOVED me some sleep, and although I splurge in the occasional nap here and there, my days of sleeping past 7 are long gone. PB I thought that getting up early would be the bane of my life with child, but I've come to cherish those 2-3 hours that are here and gone too quickly. Somehow I'd like to squash my entire day into that time frame because it's so unbelievably enjoyable outside that any kind of task would seem like a vacation done in that ideal setting.
Beyond the beautiful climate though, there's also the feeling of a fresh start. I always make New Years Resolutions which I rededicate myself to usually around the first of March...and then June...and then September. I love the feeling of my house right after it's been cleaned and there are pristine countertops, sparkling sinks and clean, vacuum-grooved carpets. I always wear outfits that I buy from the store once before I wash them (some people, my husband included, think that's disgusting) because I love that feeling of pressed newness. The first of every month usually has me making a list of things to get accomplished by the months end. Needless to say, those feelings of fresh, new & clean are important to me and I love that every single day I can have at least an hour of that.
Cup of coffee, quiet house, open Bible...bliss.
I've always been a sleep-in kind of gal. P.B. (pre-baby) I LOVED me some sleep, and although I splurge in the occasional nap here and there, my days of sleeping past 7 are long gone. PB I thought that getting up early would be the bane of my life with child, but I've come to cherish those 2-3 hours that are here and gone too quickly. Somehow I'd like to squash my entire day into that time frame because it's so unbelievably enjoyable outside that any kind of task would seem like a vacation done in that ideal setting.
Beyond the beautiful climate though, there's also the feeling of a fresh start. I always make New Years Resolutions which I rededicate myself to usually around the first of March...and then June...and then September. I love the feeling of my house right after it's been cleaned and there are pristine countertops, sparkling sinks and clean, vacuum-grooved carpets. I always wear outfits that I buy from the store once before I wash them (some people, my husband included, think that's disgusting) because I love that feeling of pressed newness. The first of every month usually has me making a list of things to get accomplished by the months end. Needless to say, those feelings of fresh, new & clean are important to me and I love that every single day I can have at least an hour of that.
Cup of coffee, quiet house, open Bible...bliss.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Marriage is like a garden
Pastor Matt is beginning a new series about marriage and one of the points he made yesterday is in Song of Solomon, I believe chapter 5:1, but don't quote me (and yes, I'm too lazy to actually reach down to my Bible right now and check). Solomon compares his bride to a garden and Matt pointed out the truth in this - a garden is beautiful, relaxing, fragrant...and a TON of work! The only people that think gardening is easy are those that don't garden. It's the same with marriage - people that don't think marriage is difficult are those that aren't married.
Before Ryan and I got hitched I was of the naive mindset that marriage would be just like dating only with a piece of paper that stated we were going to date for the rest of our lives. Ha, silly Megan. Please don't misunderstand me, marriage is rewarding and I love my husband very much, but there are times where I have to sit down and take a breath because it can be really difficult. Always putting yourself second isn't a talent that comes naturally to anybody and unfortunately to have a fantastic marriage you have to be able to do that. So that brings about Matt's main point from yesterday: you CAN'T do that. Because "that" is called agape love and we as flawed human beings are completely unable to give that kind of love to our spouse on a daily basis. Enter Jesus - only through dwelling in and with Him will we be able to have the holy spirit pour through us and give our husbands the kind of selfless love that takes a marriage from good to great.
I don't know about you, but if I'm going to be with someone for the next 70 years of my life, I want that relationship to be great. My kids deserve to grow up in a home where the parents not only love each other with all that they are, but there's also the invisible hand of the Lord that makes everything brighter, kinder and more fulfilling.
Before Ryan and I got hitched I was of the naive mindset that marriage would be just like dating only with a piece of paper that stated we were going to date for the rest of our lives. Ha, silly Megan. Please don't misunderstand me, marriage is rewarding and I love my husband very much, but there are times where I have to sit down and take a breath because it can be really difficult. Always putting yourself second isn't a talent that comes naturally to anybody and unfortunately to have a fantastic marriage you have to be able to do that. So that brings about Matt's main point from yesterday: you CAN'T do that. Because "that" is called agape love and we as flawed human beings are completely unable to give that kind of love to our spouse on a daily basis. Enter Jesus - only through dwelling in and with Him will we be able to have the holy spirit pour through us and give our husbands the kind of selfless love that takes a marriage from good to great.
I don't know about you, but if I'm going to be with someone for the next 70 years of my life, I want that relationship to be great. My kids deserve to grow up in a home where the parents not only love each other with all that they are, but there's also the invisible hand of the Lord that makes everything brighter, kinder and more fulfilling.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
100%...or at least 85%
Last Sunday my home group was discussing the topic of work which turned into a talk about life in general. One of the points made by a friend of mine was that he wanted to give 100% to whatever activity he was involved in. If he was playing with his kids he had his phone off and was completely immersed in them, if he was at work then he was focused on that and giving it his all, etc.
Rarely do I give things 100%. Israel has been the one exception and really that has only been because he required 100% of my time. But as he's getting a little older and more self-sufficient I can see myself not giving him all of my focus when he really deserves it and I'm not wanting that to become a habit. Also, being a woman, multi-tasking is just a part of life. However, I want it to be utilized only when really necessary.
So, this is my plan: if I'm talking on the phone to a friend, I'm going to stop whatever else is going on and pay attention to her and her alone. I'm going to stick to my work-out (because honestly, I have done it 5 days a week for the last 2 weeks which is a record for me and I want to keep riding the wave)!! When I'm getting ready for bed at night, I'm going to take the time to floss my teeth, take off my eye-makeup and enjoy the 5 minutes I have of pampering myself in a way. When I do my devotions, I'm going to turn my phone off and wait to do them 'til Izzy is sleeping so I can have 20 uninterrupted moments alone with my Savior. When I'm doing chores around the house, I'm going to do one at a time from start to finish and I'm going to do it well.
I truly believe that by focusing more of my attention to the task at hand I will not only get more accomplished, but I'll be (here comes the cliché phrase) - living life to the fullest. As I get closer to 30 which is closer to 40 which is closer to 50, I'm realizing that life is moving rapidly by me and I'm not living it to the extent that I know I'm capable of and to the degree that I know the Lord created me to enjoy it. That needs to change.
Rarely do I give things 100%. Israel has been the one exception and really that has only been because he required 100% of my time. But as he's getting a little older and more self-sufficient I can see myself not giving him all of my focus when he really deserves it and I'm not wanting that to become a habit. Also, being a woman, multi-tasking is just a part of life. However, I want it to be utilized only when really necessary.
So, this is my plan: if I'm talking on the phone to a friend, I'm going to stop whatever else is going on and pay attention to her and her alone. I'm going to stick to my work-out (because honestly, I have done it 5 days a week for the last 2 weeks which is a record for me and I want to keep riding the wave)!! When I'm getting ready for bed at night, I'm going to take the time to floss my teeth, take off my eye-makeup and enjoy the 5 minutes I have of pampering myself in a way. When I do my devotions, I'm going to turn my phone off and wait to do them 'til Izzy is sleeping so I can have 20 uninterrupted moments alone with my Savior. When I'm doing chores around the house, I'm going to do one at a time from start to finish and I'm going to do it well.
I truly believe that by focusing more of my attention to the task at hand I will not only get more accomplished, but I'll be (here comes the cliché phrase) - living life to the fullest. As I get closer to 30 which is closer to 40 which is closer to 50, I'm realizing that life is moving rapidly by me and I'm not living it to the extent that I know I'm capable of and to the degree that I know the Lord created me to enjoy it. That needs to change.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Ahhh...accomplishment.
Recently, there have been several occasions that I've wanted to be able to freeze and live in for more than the mere moment of their occurrence (wow, it took me 5 tries to spell occurrence correctly). One of them was last evening: I had fed Israel and he was propped up contentedly in his boppy gurgling and looking at the sun shining through the window. Ryan had just gotten out of the shower and was leaning over the bathroom counter in his towel and without sounding too much like a Danielle Steele novel, let me just say that his upper body is tan and slammin'! I was sitting in my rocking chair rubbing my freshly pedicured feet with this amazing lotion that regardless of how many days I've worn flip-flops in a row, makes them feel like a baby's bottom (which in and of itself is a very familiar surface lately). The breeze from the fan was hitting my shins, my hair was pulled up and off my neck, I could hear the dishwasher kicking on it's rinse cycle downstairs, I could smell the slightly minty scent of the lotion I was using - it was all just perfect.
That's a snapshot of real life accomplishment. At least for me. I never have been a super excel, high achieving, goal-oriented gal. B's were fine for me in school, work was always an end to the means, and TRULY the fact that I have a talent with my voice but am not singing to sold out arenas across the world is completely fine. But the feeling from last night, ahhh...I could breathe that in every minute of every day.
That's a snapshot of real life accomplishment. At least for me. I never have been a super excel, high achieving, goal-oriented gal. B's were fine for me in school, work was always an end to the means, and TRULY the fact that I have a talent with my voice but am not singing to sold out arenas across the world is completely fine. But the feeling from last night, ahhh...I could breathe that in every minute of every day.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Whew!!
Okay, so obviously I haven't posted anything for awhile. That would be because I'm busier than I have ever been in my life. Actually, busy isn't the word...occupied maybe works better. Israel Ryan Baker was born March 28, 2010 at 1:34 am weighing 7 pounds & 6 ounces and was 20 inches long. He was and continues to be absolutely perfect. I love everything about him. I even love the curdled breast milk built up in the folds of his neck, that he screams bloody murder when Ryan and I try to remove said curds, I love that he puckers his lips and widens his eyes when he's pooping, I love that he curls up still into an oblong ball shape and falls asleep on my chest. I love being a mom. It's exhausting - way more so than I would have expected, but it's also more gratifying then any success I've had in my life thus far. It's changed me and my thinking in many ways - here are a few:
- I drive the speed limit now. Sometimes below it. It's not going to achieve anything if I get to my destination 5 minutes earlier except that I might be 15 minutes late rather than 20. Also, my hands are always in the 10 & 2 o'clock position because it brings great peace of mind feeling more in control of your vehicle.
- I'm late all the time. The simple process of grabbing my keys, hopping into the car and cruising to wherever is long gone. Now it's change the diaper, put on his onesie, pack up the diaper bag, put on my socks and shoes, load him into his car seat, check the diaper bag (shoot! forgot to put more wipes in!), look for my sunglasses (they're on top of my head - literally, this has happened twice), hear the sound of poop exploding from his bottom, drop everything and take him back in his nursery to change his diaper, rip the now-poop-stained changing pad sheet off and put it in the hamper, strap him back in his car seat, fill up my water bottle, grab him & the diaper bag and go out to the car, put his car seat in, realize I forgot my phone & his binky, take his car seat out, bring him back into the house to grab those last two items and then finally get him in the car and hop in the drivers seat. Only to have grabbed the wrong set of keys.
- I love my post-pregnant body. Granted it is far more out of shape than my pre-pregnancy body and that body wasn't all that in shape to begin with, but there's a new sense of calm that I have about losing weight. It's not really about losing weight at all, it's about being healthy. I have had one chance to go the gym since Izzy was born and it went well. I look forward to going back, but there's a different mindset now. It's not a forced to, have to, lose weight to feel great kind of thinking, it's more about exercising my lungs so I can push his stroller up Starlite, lifting weights so I can tote him around more easily, working on my core so I don't get a sore back from holding him all day. I love it. There is absolutely ZERO stress about getting skinny right away though. Zero. I never thought that would be the case, but I'm so refreshed with my own heart about that matter that it makes me smile.
Those are just a few of the wonderful new changes that have occurred over the last 6 weeks and 5 days. I'm sure there are many more to come.
- I drive the speed limit now. Sometimes below it. It's not going to achieve anything if I get to my destination 5 minutes earlier except that I might be 15 minutes late rather than 20. Also, my hands are always in the 10 & 2 o'clock position because it brings great peace of mind feeling more in control of your vehicle.
- I'm late all the time. The simple process of grabbing my keys, hopping into the car and cruising to wherever is long gone. Now it's change the diaper, put on his onesie, pack up the diaper bag, put on my socks and shoes, load him into his car seat, check the diaper bag (shoot! forgot to put more wipes in!), look for my sunglasses (they're on top of my head - literally, this has happened twice), hear the sound of poop exploding from his bottom, drop everything and take him back in his nursery to change his diaper, rip the now-poop-stained changing pad sheet off and put it in the hamper, strap him back in his car seat, fill up my water bottle, grab him & the diaper bag and go out to the car, put his car seat in, realize I forgot my phone & his binky, take his car seat out, bring him back into the house to grab those last two items and then finally get him in the car and hop in the drivers seat. Only to have grabbed the wrong set of keys.
- I love my post-pregnant body. Granted it is far more out of shape than my pre-pregnancy body and that body wasn't all that in shape to begin with, but there's a new sense of calm that I have about losing weight. It's not really about losing weight at all, it's about being healthy. I have had one chance to go the gym since Izzy was born and it went well. I look forward to going back, but there's a different mindset now. It's not a forced to, have to, lose weight to feel great kind of thinking, it's more about exercising my lungs so I can push his stroller up Starlite, lifting weights so I can tote him around more easily, working on my core so I don't get a sore back from holding him all day. I love it. There is absolutely ZERO stress about getting skinny right away though. Zero. I never thought that would be the case, but I'm so refreshed with my own heart about that matter that it makes me smile.
Those are just a few of the wonderful new changes that have occurred over the last 6 weeks and 5 days. I'm sure there are many more to come.
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